Tuesday, April 11, 2017

We Must Talk About It

Okay, so earlier I  posted three things we must NEVER talk about but now I am going to talk about something so sensitive, so frightfully scary yet it MUST be talked about. It is always splattered all over the world wide web every single day. We see it on the news, we hear about from either someone we know or it has happened to us personally.

It will shake you to your very core wondering how you move on, it will alter the way you view life, see the world and yes, even make you second guess your reasoning of why things happen. We can sit and try to understand the "Three W's"

  • When
  • Where
  • Why

We will understand the "WHEN" we will even know the "WHERE" but the one thing that will plague us and paralyze us is the "WHY" so what is it I am blogging about today?


This is a subject I have started here over and over. I have began posting and deleted it, re-started and re-deleted, seeking courage within myself and my fingers as they pound out words that form sentences on my keyboard. This subject is so deep, so personal, it goes beyond the words of "private" yet so many fear talking about it.

We become just like horses in Central Park of New York, we put our blinders on so not to see around us only what is standing in front of us. Many will say, "If I can't see it, be aware of it, then it no longer exist." Sadly, that is not true.

Suicide will and can come knocking on our front doors and as usual we will open to see who has come to visit us. It will enter our home like the cold London fog that appears grey in color and bone chilling cold. It will waft it's way in and no amount of windows we open to get rid of it, it will linger and stay.

For many either personally or within the same circle of family or friends we have all fallen victim to someone that has taken their own life. It will shake us to our very core and ask ourselves as well as others the one word that is so big we cannot carry it...."WHY?"

My youngest daughter has had a life changing experience with suicide. She has lot four friends to suicide within one year. Three of the them were girls who were bullied and plagued with torture from other girls. These are bully girls that have called them...

  • FAT
  • UGLY
  • DOG

And I knew all three of these very sweet very kind girls personally. I began to notice how they were changing their appearance. Two of them got new haircuts the other one dyed her hair. All three were desperately trying to fit in with everyone else yet, they were always ousted from the familiar group of friends. They were tortured emotionally and mentally and what seemed to be always made fun of.

There was the cheerleader that called tormented one of the girls by spreading lies and gossip that was never true. There was the football player that made advances towards one of these girls appearing to be interested in a flirty way. Then there was the wrestler who also did the same as the football player.

Both the wrestler and football player were of course the most popular in the school and yes, sexual advances were made and because these girls actually believed in these two guys, one lost her innocence and the other came very close behind. Within days the cheerleader and jocks splattered all three girls through social media in the form of pictures that were taken. Two of the jocks bragged about how they "had their way" with two of them and the cheerleader continued with the painful torture of the other.

Some were even printed out and posted on walls, lockers, and anything that scotch tape would stick to with labels such as "WHORE" or "SLUT" and then of course the worst thing followed. Two of the girls hung themselves in their closet and the other cut her wrist and bled out until death followed close behind.

No one came to their rescue, no one stood by their sides, no one defended them, no one helped them! Then there was Chance a boy that was well loved by so many. His laughter contagious, his charm over flowing, his personality admired and when he walked into the room he would just light up a room no matter where he went. Chance had so many people that loved him and loved being around him.

Chance carried such a painful life deep in his heart, a pain he thought not one person would ever understand and he feared if anyone knew where he lived or how he lived he often wondered if he would still be loved and accepted. You see, Chances father was in out and the prison system so much for drugs, domestic violence, child abuse, armed robbery, and auto theft he was never really ever around for Chance's childhood. His mother a recovering drug addict yet still a love and passion for alcohol that Chance always wished his mother would love him just as much if not more the same way she loved drinking.

So, in order for him to continue being loved and accepted he carried the painful secret of his life. He always craved the attention from his dad and when he learned in such a sad negative way he never really would ever get to know his dad he just accepted the countless men that his mom brought home yet each man was worse then the last.

When Chance's father was released from prison, he quickly returned to a life of crime and ultimately cut any new bond he was making with his own son. My daughter Sela took Chance under her wing and quickly became friends with him. They ate lunch together, sat together in the same classes and traded phone numbers where they both texted and video chatted on a daily basis after school.

For three months this friendship carried on and on and still to no avail Chance never let on what type of a life he was living. He just continued to appear as the loving friendly guy that everyone wanted to be around.

Finally, he could not take the abusive boyfriends from his mom, his dad slipping in and out of the justice system, being ignored, feeling unloved, feeling awkward within his own hone. Watching his mom drink herself into complete blackout the pressure was just to much for him to handle all by himself.

April 22, 2013 Chance planned his death. He hung himself in his closet with a note attached to his closet door that read..."LOOK IN HERE" and that was where is mom found him one morning waking him early to get ready for school.

Imagine if you even can, walking into your child's bedroom then finding a note that read to look in here and then finding your baby, your child, your family, hanging by a belt from his closet.

My daughter now is struggling to overcome the death of Chance, she misses him greatly and even though she only knew him for a very short time I believe that there was a friendship that was developing rather quickly between both of them. She has been damaged by his death and all because his family just couldn't get their crap together.

There is a show that is called "13 Reason's Why" people educate yourself on why these things happen and how to help your child through such a tragic event. Buy the book, watch the show, it will open your eyes to either help someone going through the thoughts of possible suicide and others that are left behind to ask the million dollar question..."why did he/she do this, why didn't I see it happening, was there something I could have done?"

This is of course a topic that is very near and dear to my heart as well as the countless families that are left to pick up the pieces of their own lives. They are faced with such guilt and such turmoil and pain until their very dying day.

Be aware, look around, watch, listen, lend your heart and hand to others that you feel are suffering, come to someone's rescue when they are needed. Be that shoulder to cry on when someone has lost a loved one that has ended their own life.

We have either known someone that has committed suicide or family that has done such a horrific thing. Suicide has knocked on my front door and when I opened to see who was standing outside of my house wanting in, it came in like the cold grey floating fog on a cold England night that chills you to your very bones.

My daughter who is only sixteen years old has suffered the loss of four very dear friends both girls and boys but mainly girls who have ended their life due to bullying, self-image hatred, the lowest of self-esteem and the one reason that stands out similar to a person wearing bright purple checkered pants and a bold orange striped shirt  is always "FAMILY"

Three of these girls that hated themselves so much,