Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Our Daily Lives
Single people get up to the horrid buzzing sound of their alarm, make their coffee, get dressed and off they go to work. Engaged people both get up, make their coffee, battle over their bathroom space, get dressed and off they go to work.
Married people with kids, well that is a totally different story. Mom's get up before anyone in the house. She crawls out of bed already feeling the exhaustion from what her day entails. She stumbles to the kitchen stubbing her toe on the dog's toy, the kids backpacks laying around then blurting out a few cuss words under her breath, "damn kids, why don't they ever listen to me about putting their stuff away?"
She pushes the button from the already pre-made coffee from the night before and as the magical juice begins to perk, she starts to slowly wake up. Dishes from the night before are still piled up in the sink and she sighs at the task of putting away the dishes in the dishwasher and then loading the dishes.
She stumbles to the freezer scrambling around pondering on what she will make for dinner tonight. Pork Chops, that sounds good. She tosses them onto the counter then begins making all the lunches for the kids. Once the coffee is complete, she pours the seeping hot delicious java hoping that she can finally wake up.
Her kids homework is still scrambled all over the dining room table filled with pens, pencils, crayons, scratch paper, left over glasses of juice, as she begins to pick up the finished math homework and the 3D history project one of her kids must turn in. She grins at the love that she has for her kids. She can feel her blood churning and overflow she has for her family.
As she continues to sip on the hot delight of java, she makes her way upstairs and once in her sons room, a room filled with trophies of his winnings of basketball, football and soccer. Her son who sleeps has grown so much. His curly blonde hair, the one pimple that won't go away, she sighs at how the time has slipped by. She sits on the edge of the bed watching him sleep then she sighs at the unconditional love she has for her babies. She takes her hand and gently rubs his arm whispering to wake up, it's a new day and then kisses him softly on his cheek. As he stirs she then makes her way to her daughters' room.
The room is filled with butterflies and pink wallpaper with yellow daisies her daughters' favorite flower. Magazine clippings are sprawled out all over one side of the wall of fashion, make up, and accessories. Last night's laundry is still laying on the oversized chair and as she tip toes over to her daughter she sighs once again at the love she has for her youngest child.
Both of her kids are in high school and she wonders where the years went. How did they go from being the most adorable babies to now almost adult's. Where did the time go? She sits on the side of her daughters' bed and repeats once again a soft nudge along with a reminder it's a new day.
She continues to sip on the delight of the hot steamy java and as she sits on the edge of the bed she continues to look around at the countless shoes sprawled all over the floor. The desk filled with school books, pens, papers, and pompoms hanging on her daughters desk chair. Pompoms that are no longer used but a reminder of something so bad. She wishes her daughter would throw out those horrid pompoms and she has contemplated so many times taking them herself and just tossing them into the garbage. Her daughters' long red curly hair lay all over the pillow case accompanied by those soft freckles which are part of the family trademark to not only her family but to many others as well.
Yep, this mom think she has the ultimate life. A great husband who works hard, tends to the chores every single weekend, is devoted to his family and both the mom and dad are loved by their neighbors and friends. They live in a French Tudor home filled with memories of their kids, vacation pictures and stylish furniture.
So what could be wrong? How about everything! On one side of the coin, she has a son that is loved by everyone. He is popular, accepted, and everything he touches he succeeds at. He is a super natural at sports, a wiz at school, he wins awards for just about everything. Yep, everyone loves him and he is always out with his friends at either sporting events at school or just hanging with his buddies.
Then, on the other side of the coin, she has a daughter that is tormented and bullied. Yet, as she continues to sit and watch her daughter she hopes and prays silently to herself that her daughter will not face anymore bullying that goes on within the high school.
As a young child, her daughter was tormented on her body size and flaming red hair. She was always a little chunky and unpopular. When the time came for any sporting activities and teams were chosen, her daughter was always the last one to ever be picked. Sometimes fellow classmates complained if she was even on their team whining how she sucked at just about everything.
Most of the kids in school teased her and talked about her in such a negative way it would make her run to the bathroom crying, wondering what was wrong with her why no one liked her. Her mom each and every day would hold her telling her how sorry she was asking if there was anything she could do to make her daughter feel better.
From middle school to high school the bullying got worse. Sometimes her picture would be taken by the bullies and shared multiple times by the jocks, the cheerleaders, and other horrible kids and she would be mocked, teased, and no matter how hard she tried to be liked, it just wasn't going to happen. One day at school her daughter saw there was cheerleading tryouts to be held. She ran home and told her mom how badly she wanted this, how this would finally be her way of being accepted. She would become one of the most popular kids in the school.
Together her mom and her worked on the routine for weeks mastering each step. They practiced smiling and having tons of energy and when the day came for her to show off her routine, she went in with her head held high and filled with tons of confidence. As she began her routine, she quickly noticed the giggles from other girls, some were taking pictures, some were pissed and wondering why she was even trying out. But, she did her routine and when tryouts were done, she was picked to be on the cheerleading team.
Many of the girls complained about her being on the team, none of them didn't want her there and they began yelling and screaming to kick her off. Some even threatened to leave the team of she was to stay as part of their team. No one came to her rescue or fought back. No one said a single word matter of fact they just turned their heads as if nothing was happening. All she wanted was to be liked, to be accepted, to have friends, actually, she wanted to be like her brother.
Some of the other cheerleaders walked up taking a stuck up stance firing a nasty look at her then telling her, "well, we will see just how long you last on the team, its not like you can actually do any team building experiences or being thrown in the air, your to fat."
Bullying is the Gateway to Suicide
Yesterday, I came in here and posted something pretty tragic. I posted how my daughter told me after work she contacted the suicide hotline. The lady on the other end of the phone told my daughter to get rid of any pills that can assist in her death. Pills such as Vicodin with codeine, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills, and as she wrote what the lady on the other end of the phone instructed her to do, she took down notes and promised her that she would talk to me when I came home.
Here I am at work, laughing and having a good time thinking everything is great. I call my daughter on my breaks and ask how she is doing and its always the same answer, "I'm fine mom, why do you keep asking?" we always hang up with the traditional "I love you baby, I love you too mom" and I'm off and back at work.
My daughter was and has been bullied for most of her elementary school year from 4th grade to 5th grade. She was tormented on her body size, she was tormented on being shy, she was tormented on her smile. You name it, if they could torment her on anything about her or how she looked this girls were doing it.
Middle school was the clincher of all clinches. She lost four friends to suicide in one year. One girl, Eden Wormer very similar to the red-headed girl above, all she wanted to do was be accepted. All she wanted to be was be loved by her friends. Both her parents kept telling her it was "NO BIG DEAL" yet, she was crying for help and not one person ever saw it.
We do it every day, we see people, but do we REALLY SEE PEOPLE? this little girl was trying to tell her parents of the pain that she was suffering, the bullying that was going on and yet, they never listened. So, she tried to change her appearance. She changed her style of clothes, she got a new haircut, a new color, she changed her backpack, and still to no avail, the bullying continued. She lived in pain for almost two years. So, in order to stop the pain, she hung herself in the closet (2012)
Two more girls followed that Sela knew within the same year. Both hung themselves due to bullying. Yet, so many parents these days really never take it so seriously. Those are the parents that end up burying their kids.
Emma and Diane, my daughter's tormentors these are two girls that knew my daughter for five years. Both girls have been to my house for slumber parties, birthday parties, she has been to both of the girls homes for the same events. Emma and Diane along with three others girls, Sam, Iisha, & Megan, run thick as thieves for five years. Sela along the other five were the best of friends.
Once all five girls including Sela began high school, for some reason, for some unknown and unexplained reason, Emma and Diane began to torment my daughter. Emma, a girl that religiously was tossed from one house to the next each week, first her moms for a week then her dad's for a week. Emma's mom was more focused on self-tanning, make up, and her wardrobe.
Diane, her father a well-known movie producer in both Hollywood and Washington traveled with his wife extensively all over the world making movies. Sela was invited to spend the night at Diane's home and once we arrived, I was just floored at the size of the home. A mansion within Camas, Washington. Diane was living and cared for by her grandmother, a nanny, a housekeeper, but never her parents.
Emma went as far as trying to kick Sela out of their little "click" and bullying not only Sela, but Sam and all the other girls to stop being friends with my daughter. Emma made it a point to corner everyone telling them, "pick, either be friends with me, or HER, the fat ass loser Sela."
Emma even posted pictures of my daughter on social media spreading horrible rumors about her being a slut, sleeping with all kinds of boys, calling her the "C" word, basically, labeling her so badly. Of course, the other girls that ran with Sela knew the difference and when they began to stick up for her, that was when Emma and Diane struck back by dividing everyone causing such pain and sorrow between these friends of five years.
Since the death of her four friends in one year, the countless bullying that happened, the many nightmares, her self-esteem so low not even the worlds largest shovel could of picked up her self-esteem. I have spent countless times talking to Sela...
"You need to look at the source of the person causing such pain in your life. I mean you have to look at this way. Check it out, Diane has parents that are too consumed with making movies, they aren't really ever there. Emma is transported back and forth and doesn't really have a loving relationship with her mom like what we have. So, basically both of these girls want what you have...a mom that loves you."
"Sure, their mom's may love them in some sort of fashion, in some sort of twisted way, but it's not like what we have Sela. And, because we have what we have, they want the same. Take Sam for instance, she has a loving dad that is involved her life, she has a mom that will support and have her back anytime and the same with Iisha. These girls want what you three and they never will have that. So, in order to make themselves feel better, they want to bring you down to their level and they will do it at any cost."
But yet, to a teen that wants to be loved and accepted, guess what...none of that matters. I can sit with my daughter and tell her how it really is and why? Because I am an adult that can see the big picture, and still all any teen wants no matter a boy or girl is to be loved, accepted, and have friends.
And when all of the above is not happening and no one comes to their rescue, no one stands up for them or helps them, and this goes on for years, they want to stop the pain, they feel there is no way out but death.
We need to stop the vicious cycle of bullying and suicide!