Every morning I get up, make my coffee, pour in my pound of sugar (or so it seems) and my delicious "Italian Sweet Creamer" I often wonder if one of those mornings I am going to go into a diabetic coma even with me not being a diabetic person.
I go to my office turn on Facebook and play some games and will continue until I decide what I want to write about on my blog. After playing my games and watching my recorded shows of "Fraiser" I finally decide on the topic I want to blog about.
Yes, I am still on the kick of "Bullying" because it is way to near and dear to my heart. I have a daughter that was so tormented due to bullying she actually felt the only way out to no longer feel this pain and non-acceptance, no matter how much I love her, no matter the relationship I have with her, is DEATH!
As a parent, we have been told by psychologist, therapist, family therapist, "you are the parent, you are not you're child's best friend, you need to be the parent, act like the parent, set limits, lead by example."
Sadly, just about every single day we turn to newspapers or the television for our news and we often hear of another death by hanging, a gun to the head or body mutilation so severe they bleed out and die of a child due to bullying. The most absolute crazy thing is with social media on the rise, children in today's world have access to all forms of "social media" and that is where way to much is shared among other kids filled with negative thoughts, pictures, blame, shame, and yes tormented.
Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and all other forms of social media for kids, has become the leading cause of bullying and still, is anything ever really done by these companies to stop it? Sure the said companies can remove a profile, but don't you think they child doing the tormenting can and will create another profile just with a different name/picture?
Anyone can go to the Internet and type in "Bullying" and you will come up with scads of pages of information which is overwhelming when helping your child over come being bullied. There are so many parents and individuals who feel, "if its on the Internet it must be true."
Confronted by a fellow reader
So, the other day, I had a fellow follower of my blog reach out to my email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and this person sent me a message that said,
As informing as your blog is along with the humor of some of your post, do you have any resolutions of how to work with your child when being bullied? Some parents and teens may or can be overwhelmed by the gazillion web pages filled with information on bullying, they may be ashamed to say anything and they may be even contemplating death. If your going to post something of a negative form then you need to post a reaction of help.
What bothered me the most and questioned my ability to parent is when Sela began to be bullied during the 4th grade was she felt she could not come to me and tell me.
Huffington Post is one of the most followed and respected pieces of news that many follow. As I took to heart what was sent to me, when I saw the Huffington Post on Bullying, I quickly read and took some of their information along with my experiences and now I am sharing for others.
What Causes Your Child to Become a Bully? (www.huffingtonpost.com)
Children who bully do not have a profile for bullying. It is not as if they have a certain profile or they fit into a profile of what a bully looks like. You can have a little girl in pigtails, adorable blonde hair, a beautiful smile that just melts your heart yet under that innocence, she can in fact be a bully.
You can have a child that appears to be mean, my ex-husband never smiles, he has this constant frown on his face, he appears to be angry often giving people the idea that he is just angry at the world. Yet, when you engaged in conversation with my ex-husband, one would find out he really has a heart of gold and would give the shirt off his back for you.
So there is really is no profile or what renders what a bully looks like!
Like Parent Like Child
Every child craves to be just like their parent, some idolize their parents and wish with all their might to be just like dad or just like mom. Yet, they model what they see. If a child sees their parent drinking constantly, passing out on the couch, causing fights, being bitter and angry with whomever they come in contact with, they child will think and actually believe that is normal if they see it long enough and live with it long enough.
They will then strive for that same lifestyle because it is familiar to them that is all they know. Remember, children model what they see. Why do you think we have such an epidemic of girls wanting to be deadly thin like the girls on magazines, they view that as beauty, they view that as acceptance.
If a parent is bullying an adult, that in turn will give the child a self-belief that being a bully is okay. Remember, children will idolize their parents and if they see and believe what a parent is saying about others, that is what they believe and that in turn is how they will treat others because that is all they know!
Is the child being disrespected at home or when out in the public? Has a parent gone as far as teaching a child what respect is and if the parent has no clue on just what respect is, how will they teach their child to have such good views and values on respecting others? Is the parent bullying a neighbor, another parent? Remembered, mirrored image, a child then will go to school and bully another.
The Powerless Child
What constitutes a powerless child? I remember those phrases growing up, "A child is seen, not heard" I heard that growing up my entire life from other parents who had children. So I am guessing that when a child is speaking up on their thoughts and ideas they are then shot down. The parent doing the shooting down of their child's ideas/feelings/thoughts technically means they have no voice which then renders the child to believe their thoughts and ideas are worthless.
When a child is craving to be heard and yet they are ignored by their parents they will lash out at kids their own age seeking to gain power. Once they get that taste of just what power is, they then crave more power in abundance. They then learn to be rude, ruthless, and mean to others without a care in the world how the other child feels.
The Forgotten Child
We have all experienced it at some point in our adult lives. We can be in a room filled with hundreds of people and yet, we can feel invisible. We as adults, try to engage in other conversations, we seek out attention from others in the room and yet to no avail, we just feel as if we don't fit in which leads us to feel forgotten about.
We all need constant love, attention, and reassurance of what we are doing. I don't care how old we are or how old we get, everyone needs reassurance and when it is not given, it can make us feel insecure. Imagine a child who has no concept on what love is, what positive attention is and lacking reassurance of their everyday lives. That alone is going to make any child act out seeking what love is, what attention is and reassurance. Why do you think we have so many teen pregnancies, or gangs?
A parent needs to educate the fine art of respect and if an adult parent has no clue how to teach that child respect, that child will have a negative impact on respect for not only themselves, but for others as well.
I grew up in a home filled with VERY powerful people and if I did something that was not looked upon as good or expected, it left me with such a negative impact on my life. I felt the need to seek out the constant approval of everything I did from my jobs to even making my bed to brushing my teeth.
If a child is lacking approval from their parent and this can begin at birth from the parent getting upset because the child in question is not nursing the right way or eating their food planted in front of them, learning to walk sooner then their brother or sister to potty training, if they do not have the approval of their parent, they will turn to bullying to gain approval by others giving in to them.
The Entitled Child
When a child is given to much power it becomes addicting like a drug. They are given everything they want and they don't care how they get it. Being that I work in the public sector as a cashier at the front check stands, their are rows and rows of goodies such as gum, candy, etc. Children act out screaming to get that delicious treat and to many parents give in all the time and why? Just to shut the child up or children up. They don't want to deal with the screams, it embarrasses them.
So, the child learns, "I pitch a fit, scream, yell, and hit, I get what I want. I see how this works." That is then carried into their teen years to adulthood. And, before you know it, you have a runaway child like the runaway train with no brakes.
These are just a few examples of what creates a bully. Now the questions is, if your child is displaying any of the above mentioned, OR if you the parent are teaching your child such horrid behavior, what are you as the parent going to do? Are you showing negative signs to your child? Are you being the positive role model that you can be?