Friday, April 14, 2017

Dating 101-1

I have often felt that dating is more like a job interview when meeting your possible employer/first date. There are so many similarities its just crazy.

When you land the interview is basically goes as such:
  • Tell me about yourself
  • What makes you stand out from others?
  • How would you describe yourself?
  • Why should I hire you?
  • What are your other talents?
  • How do you handle a bad situation and turn it around to a positive one?
  • How many jobs have you really had?
  • Where do you see yourself five years from now and why?
  • Self-Image (you go out and buy the best suit that money can buy, so broken down...dress to impress)

First Date:
  • Tell me about yourself (what makes him/her stand out from the hundreds of other coffee shop meetings)
  • Describe yourself, your likes and dislikes (this is where they want to ponder on the idea if they can even live with you let alone date you)
  • Do you like to cook (so just what are his/her talents?)
  • Why would I date him/her?
  • Is he/she the jealous type (they still want to play the field just in case something else better comes along so broken down...they are never happy with what they have)
  • Self Image (runs out and buys the best perfume/cologne that money can buy, the best clothes, so broken down...dress to impress)

Just how old is that picture?

Okay, we have all done it at one point or another. We are sitting on our computers filling out all the required information which I find absolutely worthless because let's face it, talking about ourselves in the third person when filling out a dating website profile, how many times have we made ourselves sound like a rock star?

Here is a great example!

Okay, so some time ago I was checking my email and there it was. It said I had an email from someone named "Man at Sea" sure that name caught my attention. The first thing I am thinking is, "cool he has a boat." So, I got into the dating website, click my email to read what he has said and there he was this absolute tall blonde gorgeous man! He is sitting on his bunk within a ship. There are pictures of him fishing (so he is adventurous, he likes the great outdoors) one of him waterskiing, then hiking.

Well, like my mom says, if it sounds to good to be true 9/10 it is. But, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt (first mistake) so I contacted him back. We had a great connection. We texted first (that is an easy out if you don't like what he/she is saying. You can block them then) the texting lead to exchanging numbers and then we talked on the phone.

We set up a time to meet at Starbucks a few days later. I was excited, he seemed to have his life together and he made some great choices (or so it seemed) so on the day of the meeting I hop in my car and sit in the parking lot waiting for him. I did park a specific way to make a quick exit if I need too.

As I am watching all the cars coming and going I suddenly see his car and OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!! It took him forever to get out of his car and when he finally opened the door there was one leg and he seemed to be struggling to get something from the backseat. I watched and wondered what he was doing. Then it happened!

As he pulled his second leg out of his car he then DRAGS HIS WALKER OUT. HE HAS A FRIGGEN WALKER something a handicap person would use! Yeah, he is tall, he is also bald, pudgy and he appears to have gone through the spin cycle of his washing machine. I was just FLOORED! I actually turned on my car to make my quick getaway and then something stopped me. My inner voice told me, "stop being so damn judgmental and give him a chance." I turn my car off and go inside against my better judgment.

Once I was inside I can see his face better. He has very dark circles under his eyes, he appears to be much older than his picture. He is shaking uncontrollably, as he struggles to sit down I scramble to get his seat assisting him or more like guiding him to sit down. He is wearing a white workout suit that seems brand new.

And what does he pull out from the inside of his jacket...a FRIGGEN PILL BOX that is labeled Monday - Friday. His hand is horribly shaking as he reaches for his pills which I would guess was about nine pills he had to take. He asks me to get him a cup of water and when I walked away to fetch his water this was the last place I wanted to be at.

As I sit down (another bad choice) he then looks and gives me a quick chuckle, "I guess I'm not exactly the same as my picture. You see, I had two strokes when I was thirty two (which one stroke ages you at least nine years and he had TWO of them). So, instead of him looking his age at forty two, he looked to be sixty two.

Then my mouth opened up, "hell where is the guy in the pictures, the guy that is tall and handsome, what happened to him? Wait, are you his dad testing the waters for his son?"

Nope, it was him. He told me that the pictures were fifteen years old. GREAT! I get stuck with Grandpa Moses!

Now most recent catch on Plenty of Fish!

I have learned there are three relationships in this online dating.

Relationship One:
The texting relationship, where you both text and have an amazing relationship (well hell, of course you do, you can text anything and everything you want to appear exciting and appealing) A texting relationship is exciting and safe. You think you're getting to know the person through a text message..OH PLEASE!

The phone relationship, that is where you talk to get to know each other. You have yet to meet and it seems you have this great connection on the phone. He/she actually gets you, they actually understand your concerns, fears, and what else plagues you when getting to know someone else.

Then there is the REAL DEAL, the face to face. So you started out in a texting relationship then move onto the phone relationship, then you graduate to the REAL DEAL. That is when you get to know and see the real deal. You will know within seconds (okay minutes) if this person is the same exact person who got you, understood you through a text message, then a phone call, who told you how both of you are in the same exact sync of thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

Well, I am at the texting relationship and sure he sounds to good to be true. I learned he is a licensed clinical therapist at the local jails trying to rehab some of the worst criminals known to society. He drives a Porsche sports car, his parents have both passed away, he is love with his sons, he is a hopeless romantic, his last date was in 2007 (DUMMM, DA, DA, DUM) but hey, I haven't dated since Steve but I've been busy raising my two daughters. He works 57 hours a week and has been for some time but he claims that will let up May 1st.

He works Monday - Thursday from 7-5 and he loves what he does. He seems to know what he wants and now he wants to as he says, "get the show on the road and come meet me" did I mention he lives two hours away? Now Sela my daughter of course is bitten and twice shy when it comes to me meeting men and why? BECAUSE I HAVE A BROKEN PICKER!

I did lay down the rules and told him, "you cannot come over here to my house for at least two months, there is no sharing of my daughter's pictures, and if you want to drive down and see me for the weekend, you must stay at a hotel." Something he totally agreed with! I have to admit we do have fun texting and getting to know each other but what you text and what you see and get are two very different things.

So, let's see how this face to face will go next weekend!