Sunday, March 5, 2017

Moving On

Okay, so I took deceit and betrayal of Harry and used it against him in one of the most worst places one can possibly even think of. Humiliating him in front of all his co-workers, peers, and other top executives was probably the worst time to share or better yet, expose Harry for who he was.

Once the word got out that evening about Harry's infidelity and all eyes were upon him in a room of maybe 175 people, for some reason I just didn't feel bad. I certainly wasn't expecting to feel the way I did either. I didn't feel guilty that's for sure, I know that for that brief moment I felt like the fat cat who sat in the corner with a feather hanging out of my mouth ready to burp from eating the canary.

What happened was the wives and girl friends that attended that night all of their eyes were on me, I felt as if they were mocking me and when I excused myself from Harry making my way to the ladies room I entered into a room of even more ladies talking about what I just did. Oh believe me, I brought down the house and I did it in a way similar to a tornado leaving nothing but shambles of a person's dignity behind.

Once inside the ladies room it fell completely silent I could feel every ladies eyes burning through my entire body. The one's who were putting lipstick stopped in mid-motion looking at me through the reflection of the mirror. Finally a lady I had never met before approached me..

"Well, I have to say this, you got balls bigger than a bull. But, you spoke for all the wives and girl friends who found out they were being cheated on and never said a word out of fear but I bet it felt good. I mean to take someone down on a night like this, you must of planned this."

I didn't know if they were proud of me or insulted by me. I felt as if the ladies room was getting smaller and smaller as the ladies began to gather around me.

I was then pounded with question after question asking how I knew, when did I find out, why do I stay, what was the purpose of doing this, did it feel good, and I think the best question was, what was my next move? I know there is such a fear of confronting a cheat spouse. There is the fear of being alone, the fear of starting over, the fear of going through a nasty divorce, separating the kids, finances, so many couples stay in a unloving relationship.

I had a very dear friend of mine who lived in Baltimore. We talked all the time and yes, he too was a cheating spouse. Oh, never with me, I knew better but then that but  I asked him one day why he stays in such an unloving marriage? He just danced around the answer never really giving me one. So, then I just told him what everyone feared ever saying...

"You're just in a marriage of convenience and because it is, it doesn't bother you to cheat or lie or steal emotionally or mentally from the other person."

Once my friend heard that, he was pissed but as I always say, "if you get so pissed by what I say then there is some truth to the statement a truth you fight to understand, truth to your own self that you refuse to take notice and do something about."

Some lady entered the ladies room telling me that Harry was looking for me because he no longer wanted to stay in a room he now was brought down to his very knees by me. Yep, the famous Harry was quickly no rapidly becoming less and less famous. The lady told me he looks pissed and wants me to hurry up. I didn't bother to hurry, I just took my time. I was not about to rush to make him happy, I did that for the past five months. I couldn't believe he was pissed.

All the ladies turned to see what I was going to say about Harry wanting me to hurry, they all wondered what I was going to do. I ultimately did nothing really, I just picked up my pocketbook excused myself and left the room where I found Harry standing outside the door.

Once I saw him my cold bitter attitude was very noticeable. Harry was fuming mad, he told me in a snickering stare and rumbled voice that we were leaving.

"Thanks for ruining my night, the one night that actually meant something to me, a night that was the pinnacle of my career." I remember just pressing my lips together in order to shut my blade like tongue shooting Harry a look of disgust.

"Well, if you have something to say Mrs. Meijer, say it in the car please not here." All he kept saying over and over was how he was embarrassed and humiliated and I was sick and tired of hearing it not just from him but from everyone else. As he stood there looking at me there was this pitiful look of sadness washing over on his face. It seemed as if tears were about to fall and I just didn't care. I was mad at myself for allowing this man to do what he does but I was equally more upset of putting up with his escapades.

Harry turned his back to me making his way through the room and me following and that was when I noticed once again all eyes where upon him watching him leave. He never picked up his multiple awards that he won. He left them sitting on the table that we were assigned. I paused wondering why he didn't get them so I picked them up and carried them outside with me. Once we were outside and in the car driving home I was expecting Harry to drop me off and leave but he didn't. We both entered the silent house. Sara and Sela were sleeping and the house was completely dark.

Harry turned on the kettle to make tea and I just went to the room to get undressed into my night clothes. Harry stayed in the kitchen not saying a word. I didn't know exactly what to do so I went back to the kitchen finding any excuse to be in the same space as Harry. I was wondering if he was going to say anything to me. My stomach was quivering with nerves, my mouth was feeling bitter and sour you know that feeling, the feeling you get right before your throw up.

Harry cleared his throat then he turned to me with tears streaming down his face I guess I was supposed to feel bad but for some reason I just didn't. I didn't reach for him to console him, I wanted to be consoled, I never reached for him to hold him I wanted to be held, I never offered an apology, I wanted the apology. I felt I deserved all that and so much more but I guess we both owed each other that. I just wasn't ready to do all that yet.

"Well, if you planned on humiliating me, you did it, I hope your proud of yourself. You took the one night..." I put up my hand to stop Harry from speaking. If I heard one more time how I took his night and ruined it I was going to scream.

"I know, I know the one night that meant something to you. But do you have any mental concept of what you took from me, do you, I mean do you have any logic in your head of what you did to our marriage, to our lives together, and here you stand pissed that I ruined your night. Wow your real piece of work Harry, I will say this though, it must suck to be you."

"Wow, if you couldn't get any worse, you just did. Thanks."

"Your welcome." I was growing angrier and angrier from each word he spoke and I was sorry I even went back into the kitchen. What I should of done was just go to bed and leave him alone. But as the woman who was determined to manipulate him, to hurt him, I just couldn't bring myself to leave.

Harry finished making himself tea and I finally gave up. I was heading to my room when he stopped me by grabbing my hand but I swiftly pulled it out of his. "You don't deserve to touch me, your hands have touched another woman, your lips and body have touched another woman. I will say this, if and only if, you want this marriage to work, to heal, you better kick that tramped slut to the curb and stop being a tramped and slutty man."