It's crazy having three daughters, one of which I have no communication with whatsoever. But of course, having two that near and dear to me have taught me a few things about "LOVE" which I always thought I would be teaching them.
After Harry, I decided to dedicate my life to both of my daughters Sela and Sara. So, I gave up the dating arena and became a full time mom to two amazing girls. Sara after a few years told me I needed to go on a dating website and hopefully find love once again. I of course was reluctant in finding love in such a profound way.
I mean whatever happened to meeting someone by chance? Of course there are "plenty" of women who have a friend of a friend of a friend who ends up telling this person, "Oh my God, you need to meet this guy, he is just amazing, he is successful, has a great job, a home of his own, super family, and he is just an all around great guy." So, the one telling you this is of course single and doesn't it make you wonder why "she" doesn't go after him? I mean come on, if he is so "amazing" why would she try to pawn this man off onto her dear friend? What is so bad about him that she doesn't take a stab at him?
So, Sara of course keeps egging me on to go on these dating websites and finally I give in and put myself out there. It is just amazing what crawls out from the woodwork on a dating website. I have gone on free dating websites and websites I have paid for. Why is it when a woman or man (I don't want to be unfair in the dating world) seem to believe that once a date is made and both of you end up meeting for the most BORING and ALWAYS planned date, "dinner" or a "movie".
I once told a man to plan our date, not leave it up to me. I wanted to see his creativity, I wanted to see what he could bring to the table, and you know what? He couldn't think of a damn thing. He was shocked that I put the idea up to him. He kept calling me, "I just can't think of anything to do, why can't you do this?" I stayed true to who I was and what I wanted and stayed steadfast with no you plan it.
I have always believed that a movie for the first date is the worst of worst plans. You cannot get to know someone in a dark movie house unless you plan on sitting in the back row and just begin to paw at each other like dogs in heat. Of course your going to get eye-balled and possibly the always used sound of "SHHHH" and dinner on the first date is not always the best either. What if you don't like the way he/she chews their food? You know that when you go out to dinner on the first date the lady is going to order a salad it never fails. The man is going to want to order a steak and what if your a vegan at heart?
Yesterday I had to take Sara to urgent care due to her having the flu for almost a month. While we were in there she was telling me of the few men that she had met on the ever so famous "swipe left or swipe right" site. Of course I got the lecture of me spending to much time with Sela and I need to put myself out there once again.
Well the free dating websites just SUCK and I could sit and tell you all the many reasons why they suck but I won't bore you with the details but I will tell you this, I have had men ask me to pick them up at the BUS STOP or I have had men ask me to pick them up, pay for dinner, I even had a guy fall in love with me two seconds after meeting me. The man that fell in love with me seconds later he of course planned the boring date DINNER! He got so pissed off that the food server stood next to me to take our order that he actually said, "why do you have to stand next to my woman, you should be standing next to the me, the man of the relationship" I was humiliated, I was embarrassed, I was just shocked. The four people sitting next to us even turned their heads to see who said that. He even got pissed off and accused me wanting to cheat on him twenty minutes after knowing him.
So, I told him I had to use the bathroom, gathered my purse, ran to the front door and slipped the host fifteen bucks and told him, "you never saw me leave, you have no idea where I went, get it?" the host even asked me why I was with the man I was with he told me that I can get any guy I wanted and why him. I knew right then and there I was pathetic.
It is just crazy how this modern world of love has turned. There is of course the danger of falling for someone on a dating website and for me, I have to much to lose. I have listened to stories on the news of women who have met men on dating websites and actually ended up dead, beaten or raped, yet, then again, there are women who have the most amazing gorgeous man standing next to them sharing how they met on a dating website and then I pause and wonder, "why can't I meet someone like that, what's wrong with me, is it my wording on my dating website that makes sound awful, is it how I describe myself, do I sound desperate, do I sound sad?"
Why can't finding love be just by chance? You know, in the grocery store and you both pass each other while catching the eye of each other. Or when your standing in line at the bank, or you get locked out and someone out of the blue comes to your rescue and helps you get back into your home. You strike up a conversation with your knight in shining armor and soon you find out there is a connection between you both.
What about when your at a red light and you look up and see some hunky man watching you. I cannot begin to share how many men I have met on dating websites that are actually married, they are bored with their marriage and want something that their wife isn't giving them so they cheat. They say, "it's cheaper to stay married".
Sara is just like me, so much like me it frightens me. She is the hopeless romantic, she is the one that believes love is there for her and she just struggles to find it. She falls in love fast and hard and yet when she does her heart is broken, shattered in a way that takes her to her very knees and then she suffers in silence.
As the famous saying goes..."Like Mother Like Daughter" Okay, I wasn't the best role model possibly, children do learn what they see and yes I too want to be in love, I want to be loved, I want to be appreciated, I want a man to see behind the extra weight and the bumps and lumps after having three kids or the boobs that now resemble a woman in the National Geographic Magazine from Africa.
So, yesterday I put myself out there once again on the famous "Swipe Right/Swipe Left" and of course Sara tells me right away, "mom, they are "hook-ups" they are men and women looking for just a one night stand, nothing really comes of that so just be careful."
Women go to bed to fall in love and men go to bed to have sex. I have never understood why a woman feels that giving it up on the first date is the best thing. I mean why would a man want to come back? Didn't he get what he wanted? Whatever happened to the mystery of the woman and getting to know her? I have never called a man ever! I have always felt that if a man wants to talk to me he will. He has my number, he knows how to use the phone I mean he called me before so I know he knows how to use the phone. I have never chased a man nor will I ever chase a man.
I know myself worth and I know what I can bring to any relationship. I am very old fashion and I feel that the "old fashion" has been tossed right out of the window like last weeks trash when it comes to getting to know a man or woman. I have always felt like when a man wants to get to know a woman it is like visiting a used car lot. I mean let's be honest, call a spade a spade, there is maybe 2% virgins left in this world so when I am talking "used" I am certainly not talking about a beaten down woman who stands on the corner to make a living, no, I am talking about a woman who is experienced in life, love, and the idea of falling in love.
So, the man views the woman as the "used car" he likes to check the tires to see how many miles are on her, checks her upholstery, lifts the hood to check the engine and he takes for a spin (which I refer to as the "date") and if she puts out and is good at putting out then he MIGHT stay. 9/10 a man will NOT stay, I mean why would he? He got what he came for didn't he? You know that he is going to go and "test drive" other cars right?
Okay, so possibly there are women out there that don't mind one night stands or don't mind putting out on the first date, but what do they really get from it? Possibly a visit to the free clinic to learn that yes they have an STD that is really bad. Or, maybe the worst, AIDS!
Try telling this to a 25 year old daughter and that is when I am faced with, "mom, mom, your so old fashion, times have changed, get with the time mom." My daughter has paid for dinners, weekend trips, drinks, and the men that she occupies her time with actually let her.
A real man, and I am talking a "real man" would NEVER let a woman pay for anything yet when a man opens his wallet and pays for the weekend trips, or dinner and drinks, why do they expect thing back in return? Why can't someone just take someone out and get to know them? Get to know what makes someone tick, why they believe in what they believe in, their dreams, their hopes, and most of all...."LISTEN"
Take your time sweet daughter of mine, get to know what the man has to offer, get to know what they can bring to the world, your world, your space and time. Do you feel safe, do you feel appreciated, do you get the butterflies before he shows up, does he make you smile, does he understand your passions in life, when you drop your sweet tears does he hold you and comfort you, or does he belittle you making you feel awkward? Does or can he put you on a pedestal and treat you like the woman you deserve to be?
My Beautiful Daughter Sara