Sadly, that is very true. As I have shared I was one very comfortable not engaging in child birth or raising a child. I shared how my time was my time and I was not willing or wanting to have a small person taking up my space and energy that I would relinquish so willingly. I was perfectly comfortable coming and going as I wished never having to answer to a small person or caring so deeply for a small person.
Is it fear of having to finally becoming responsible for someone or something? Possibly. Is it selfishness when not wanting to bring a baby into this world? Let's face it, not everyone is cut out to be a parent and that's okay. It really is okay to not bore children into our world. Take my brother for example.
My brother once told me that bringing a baby into this world that is so messed up, so confused on how our government, economy, socialism, and the expectations that is demanded when bringing a child into this world is just unfair to the child itself.
Since I have had my three daughters which I often refer to as, "God has a great sense of humor. He wanted to give me a great payback for the way I was with my mom so, he blessed me with three girls. One of which is my nightmare child. Talk about the ultimate of revenge."
Now that I am little more grown up, a little wiser, a little more of many things, I have learned that within my body there is this what I feel a button of protection that is pressed when Sara or Sela feel the world is up against them and they feel there is no way out. I never dreamed ever that I would become this "Mama Bear" when I reference about my kids.
I had no idea how much I would want to jump into action to protect my crying child that suffers in pain from the cold cruel world. I remember moving to Washington State and when I went to register Sara at our local high school I was told that they was this graduation requirement package that she must tend to prior to graduating.
So to break it down, we moved into our house January 22, 2009. Sara was to graduate June of the same year. The graduation requirement package for seniors began at the start of a seniors first day of school. Sara had already missed four month's worth of work that typically took one year to finish.
The high school in question advised Sara to work hard, work steady, and work fast in order to get caught up with other seniors that had already began and were in the near ending of this project. I remember looking at the lady across from me as she spoke wondering what planet she lived on. I was confused at her statement and its not like I was looking for special treatment or a shortcut for Sara to take in order to get caught up. So just what is the graduation package that was required of all seniors?
- Pick a topic that interest you for a possible career.
- Research that project
- Interview more than ten (10) people for this possible career
- Career growth and career failure of your chosen career
- Career finances such as pay, raises, etc.
- Visit the colleges to find out what educational path will be required
- Collect a list of books required for your chosen career path
- Collect what student loans would be the best for you
- Volunteer your time up to but no less than 120 hours which is required for this package
- Write a paper that must be double spaced, more than two-hundred pages (200) which will consist of a thesis, what your reasoning is for this career choice, how this will help others, references and in MLA format.
- Verbally in front of the entire school board (which consisted of more than 50 people) your reasoning for this career path, what is needed as far as education, wage earnings, and career growth.
Sara was interested in the medical field and wanted to seek out volunteering within the plastic surgery field. So, I dove in and while she was pounding out four month's worth of homework and still trying to stay caught up on a daily basis of her current homework, I began calling around at all medical office within in our small town for her to volunteer.
Every single place said, "I'm sorry, but we have taken all the volunteers that we can at the time and currently, we are not seeking to bring anyone else in." Of course, I tried to get Sara interested in a different field and when we chose a different field, it was the same sentence over and over. "We are just not taking volunteers at the time."
I of course would go back to the school and share with them my findings explaining how we have hit one wall after the other and now we are reaching out for help. Guess what we got....NO HELP FROM THE SCHOOL WHATSOEVER!
For all the glares and snares given to me by the school counselor I just sat before her shocked at how cold and evil she was. I then of course would shake my head in wonder and that was when I finally told her, "so let me get this straight, your not willing to help us, your telling me a boy in a wheelchair with cancer finished his project within weeks of starting school, and your not willing to help me. Boy, whatever your smoking I hope you roll it up and share it so I can be stupid and cold as you are right about now."
What I found out was that Sara's "old" counselor from her previous high school Mr. Jennings, was the actual participant who voted for such a rigorous and demanding requirement. He once lived in Washington State and was part of the same platform as other educational professors. So, I called him. I had a relationship with him and felt it would be great to catch up and share my concerns and thoughts.
What I wasn't expecting was him to belittle me or try to tell me that my concerns were in fact unjustified and how I was damaging my daughters future. Mr. Jennings, the man I knew for four years, I had a friendship relationship and professional and he managed to muster up enough anger telling me that he along with other professional educators took many months if not years coming up with something that would enlighten many seniors on what is expected of them in the workforce once they were faced with a career.
So, Sara and I just buckled down and put the foot to the pedal and together we were finally making headway. Until that day when I received the phone call from her current high school in Washington State. Her current high school unbeknown to myself but rather quickly learned was one with quite a few reputations.
Nine teachers were arrested for flipping drugs for grades. Three teachers were arrested for having sexual relations with senior girls, and two were arrested for child molestation. And this is supposed to be the "BEST" high school around?
"Is this Mrs.. Ayala?"
"No, this is Sara's mother who's this?"
It was the school nurse informing me that Sara was in a fight at school with three "star" football players and somehow mysteriously she fell down the all rock staircase located inside the quad at school. I went from zero to bitch in less than five seconds. I immediately drove over to the school to see Sara all banged up with bloody shins, bloody elbows, her face bloody and crying in such agony. Once I saw her in such a condition I went CRAZY!
"You mean to tell me, my daughter who weighs 125 pounds took on three football players which just happened to be "star" football players with a combined weight of over 400 pounds is that what your telling me?"
I just stood there gazing at this woman and I could tell that she was growing to be very uncomfortable and I stood by ground. My daughter was all torn up and they wanted to blame her. So, once again the "Mama Bear" came out.
"So, let me get this straight you stupid bitch, if I had a dick and I tossed a football around making a few touch downs, who would you believe, me or my daughter?"
Sara managed to enlighten me that three of these football players grabbed her chest yelling for the entire quad of people to hear during lunch, "Hey cop a feel, see if her gigantic boobs are real" and they assaulted her. As she continued to break down what happened, the angrier I was becoming.
I picked up my phone and the principal demanded to know who I was calling. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car getting ready to hit him.
"The police, I am filing assault charges on three of the boys then I'm calling the news. I am going to finally blow this school opened wide."
All three boys were found innocent and the news didn't want to take my story. They told me that they found it impossible that her current high school would even allow this to happen.
How does one pick up the broken pieces of your child who now believes there is no trust in this world and three boys got away with what they did?