Monday, March 20, 2017

Guilty

Okay, I admit it, I wasn't very nice to Harry and I possibly lowered myself to his level while I sought out for more revenge. But as the famous saying goes...

"Hell, have no fury as a scorned woman"

Yet for some reason, I was enjoying watching this man squirm like a worm being sucked out of the ground by a bird! I knew I was doing wrong as well as evil but for some reason I actually thought I was doing what every single woman wanted to do to their husbands yet feared retaliation in some fashion. I wanted to be the one to stand up for all married women who found their husbands cheating on them.

I mean, it's not like I'm seeking recognition for my horrible evil temptress ways, but man oh man, the horrific stories I have heard through the countless wild fire of divorces of scorned women and men always made me so angry. I would watch both men and women dropping tears like a water fountain along with agonizing unruly pain putting so much trust into one person. Handing their lives over to the one they stood up next to in either small gatherings or lavish wedding sharing vows of ever lasting love and togetherness only to find out their spouses have taken up time and space with someone else.

I have heard so many times, "there are no guarantees in life" as much as that may be true, that statement always made me feel as if the ones making such a flipper statement, did they also go into their marriage thinking there is not guarantees, that their marriage could fail? I always believed that when you marry that one person that makes you be a better person, who brings out the best in you, who protects you, is your guiding light through some of the darkest days, your partner, your lover, your everything and then to toss it away in the arms of another, they then deserve exactly what they get.

So, while Harry found the joy in the arms of another, well I felt he deserved what he got and more. And more, is just what I gave him. I played the part very well, I played the part of the doting wife possibly wanting to save her marriage, taking up space and time with him, talking to him for countless hours but in the back of my mind I thought what other evil thing can I do to him?

You see, he would sit there and talk to me as if I was something of value to him, that our marriage meant something but then there were to many times to count where he was supposed to show and take me out and spend time with me and he failed to do so. I had found his phone turned off only because it went straight to voicemail. The many times he failed to call me back and then avoiding me out of guilt. Trust me when I say,  "If someone doesn't want to be found, trust me they will go out of their way NOT to be found!"

Often a few days would go by and still no return call from Harry and while I was mustering up courage to not cry, to often my own tears were mind over matter and then once again, I found myself wiping away my pain. First there was pain, then madness, then revenge. It's just crazy and possibly a little insane of how my mind worked and what torture I wanted to use on him. The more time I spent torturing Harry, the better I got at it. I guess practice does make perfect!

One of those "guilt gift" days I wad of course lavished with the best of the best gifts. Either money, jewelry, perfume, dinners at the best of the best places, and of course I would never ever bring up the fact that he went missing for days. I just picked up where we left off. I loved watching him squirm so unsure what to say to me, how to act, what not to say, and I even toasted to our marriage...

"To the best husband who provides me with love and gratitude." As we would clink our glasses I enjoyed watching him become so uncomfortable almost choking on his own words while trying to engage in a conversation with me. Often, we just sat in silence and me, I just waited and waited for him to start our conversation.

During that evening, he told me he wanted me to meet him for lunch but I told him I didn't have any money for gas and so what does he do? He hands me his company gas card telling me he will get it back from me "tomorrow" but of course I had different plans for that company gas card. This would be the end of all ends of revenge. I now had the goose that laid the golden egg right in the palm of my greedy little hands.

When tomorrow came, I called and cancelled with him telling him of course a blatant lie which I held no guilt over, "Felix never came for Sela and Sara is gone with her friends so I won't be able to meet you for lunch."  

Harry of course didn't have the luxury of coming back over to my home. Nope, Goldie had different plans for him. She wanted to take up space and time with him and I had no problem with that. I would load up the kids and we would go to far off place such as the zoo, the beach, the parks and when my gas was empty, I would stop off at a gas station and load up on a full tank of gas. Day, after day, after day.

Raiza had to go someplace a few days after I had it but she didn't have the money for gas so I took her to the gas station and filled up her car with a full tank of gas. Then my neighbor, and my other neighbor, and so on and so on.

After I had it for two weeks Harry finally called and told me, "I need to get that gas card back from you, your using it to much. My boss is questioning me on why I'm using so much gas in the company car."

I didn't give two-shits what he said and that was when I lowered the boom on him. "Tisk, tisk, you want to the company gas card back. Well, I'm not ready to give it back to you. I guess what I am telling you is you try to take it from me then I will call up your boss right after this phone call is over telling him how you "gave me" the company gas card to use whenever I felt like it, and then you will suddenly be without a job. I'm guessing Goldie won't want you then right? I mean you would be unemployed and the money will stop coming in right?"

Dead silence on the other end of the phone. Not a word from him. So, I paused just as long as him. But I broke silence, "what's wrong Harry, your awfully quiet." I just heard the heavy breathing of anger.

"Your such a bitch."

"Watch out Harry, I hold all the power over your career, if I were you, I would be very nice to me right about now. You even mention of losing this gas card or making it impossible for me to use the card, that is when I call your boss and let him know. So, you want your career to keep growing, well, you better make sure nothing changes, right?"

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and I still held captive the company gas card. Harry of course would do everything in his power to persuade me to give it back yet I refused. When and if I did see Harry, I would hide the card so he couldn't find it or get it from me. Not to long after that I decided to sell the house. I moved to Washington State.

The entire drive up the coast I filled the car up with gas with his company gas card. Harry finally called me when I was settled in telling me his boss bellowed for Harry to come to his office right away. He was asked if he made any current road trips up to the Washington State? Harry said no and well the card was cancelled.  

So, as the threats given to Harry months before, I followed through. I faxed a copy of the gas card to his boss telling him of Harry giving me the card and how long I had it and he told me I could use it as long as I want and as much as I wanted to.

Harry was fired that day! He lost out on everything, and when he called me and told me how horrible I was to him I just told him to go cry in the arms of the woman he shared his life with. I hung up my phone filed for divorce finally and our divorce was over six months later.


Do I feel guilty for having such a twisted mind bringing Harry to his very knees? NO! Should I? Possibly.