Saturday, February 18, 2017

We Are All Onions

Sitting around watching my favorite television show one evening, I heard the expression, "we are all onions" the character never went into a deep analogy of why we are all onions so I began to ponder on the idea why we are in fact all onions and then it dawned on me why we are.

I was in the kitchen making dinner and I began peeling away at a yellow onion. As I began to peel away the outside making my way to the inside, that was when I had this epiphany of why we are onions. We must peel away the onion in order to get the best part of others. Once we get to the inside we can actually see just who they are. Some people are harder to get to know so we must continue to peel away at the onion in order to get to the best part of the person.

It is just one layer at a time. We must be careful, delicate, loving, and most of all patient. We must not rush the layers while peeling away at one person Once we get to the best part of the onion, the onion with flavor, pizzazz, taste, style, and beauty, it can and will represent the most important part, the other person. We get to know their heart. Understanding the heart of another individual can be a beautiful journey filled with twist and turns, some dark places, some places filled with warmth and compassion.

So, if one or all of you are struggling to get to know someone else, think of the onion and slowly begin to peel the layers. Take your time, do not rush, and once you get to the core of the person you will see the beauty of just who they are. If there is in fact pain embrace it and hold it gently.
Be gentle, be kind, and most of all understanding. For what may seem so trivial to us, can be the most important part of understanding another. Love, love hard, do not make it complicated or filled with demands. Always remember, we all have imperfections and if we really want to take the time to know someone, understand that imperfections can be loved as well.

Putting the cart in front of the horse once again

The crazy thing about love, life, and in general, we are supposed to learn about our mistake and hopefully pray that we never make them again. Yet, we all do for some reason we never learn and I am one great example of it. I can sit and lecture everyone on right versus wrong, but when it comes to my life, I can't make any understanding about my life. I knew the minute I told Harry, "you can move in here with me" I might as well of went out and bought a cart and prayed a horse was going to come along to hook up to the cart.

My mind began to swirl like a tornado ready to take out an entire town. The eye of the tornado was my life, it was filled with turmoil and destruction right about now. I never took into consideration of my kids, my parents, and to boot, Goldie was still not taken care of. I could feel myself getting ready to have a panic attack at the thought of someone taking up the other side of my closet, putting his personals on my bathroom counter, seeing a mans dirty underwear in my laundry basket.

I just wanted to punch myself in my own face. But for some reason I just kept talking and talking and talking. Yep, I had diarrhea of the mouth. Harry of course thought that was the best idea I ever had and never once did he ever mention to me about Goldie and taking care of the sticky delicate "thing" he needed to take care of. Harry took me into his arms and kissed me with such passion, such lust, then taking me by my hand he lead me to "MY" room laid me on the bed telling me over and over, "this is now going to be our room, our bed, where we will make sweet, sweet, love to each other." And, that is just what he did, he made love to me in away a man never ever did. He made me moan and groan in such noises I never made.

Once we laid by each other's side, I was even more in love with him then I thought I could ever be with any one person. I held him tightly while molding him to my own body clinging to him so frightened to let go worrying if I did when would I see him again, what about Goldie, when would he take care of that and would he? I decided to open the floor and start talking about this.

"Harry, you do know that Goldie is just not going to go away, I know for me, if I was her, I would do all I could to fight for the one I love. Just what are your plans and when are you going to talk to her?"

It was just killing me inside that I had allowed myself to become the "other woman" I wanted to tell him how I felt but I feared what he might say or think. I began thinking of the "onion analogy" I began to wonder how "she" felt, would I want to feel that way, what would I do to fight for the man I was with for seven years and what lengths would I go to in order to save what we have?

I remember nudging him a little saying his name over and over when it dawned on me, he does what every man does best...he fell asleep! what is it about a man who has sex then rolls over and falls asleep afterwards? Don't they know that most women want to be coddled and loved, talked to, caressed, they want to be told how much you love her. But nope, not me, he just began a slow faint snoring and I laid there wondering in fear what was next.

Morning Came

I remember waking up to the smells of bacon and bread cooking in my kitchen. I was somewhat disoriented and once I gathered my thoughts I wondered who was in the kitchen. I rolled over to see the clock and sprung out of bed when I noticed it was almost ten-thirty. I had failed to get Sara off to school and Sela ready to see her dad. I opened the door so quickly then bolting out of my room to see Harry making me breakfast.

His plan was to make me breakfast in bed, me, I was panicking on the idea of Sara and Sela. "Sara is at school and Felix came by to get Sela. Nice guy he is, handsome man." I wondered how Sara got to school he didn't know where the bus stop was let alone getting Sela ready.

Harry told me he gave Sara twenty bucks to help him get Sela ready and once she did he would take her to school. He then continued to tell me that Felix was more than happy that I met someone. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Harry placed a plate full of food on the table. Bacon and eggs, cinnamon rolls, coffee, and hash browns. Harry made himself a cup of tea and then sat down across from me at the table.

Harry told me that he heard me questioning him about Goldie and what he was going to do and he shared with me that he was going to go get some of his things and be back. I remember pushing my plate full of food to the side and for some reason I began thinking like a logical person.

When I get nervous my right legs begins to shake bouncing it up and down mixed with nerves and anger at the same time. I remembered my leg bouncing up and down under the table quick enough  I could of churned my own butter. I guess Harry was able to read me like a book.

"I'm coming back, I don't know why your so worried, I chose you." and that was when the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

"You chose me, oh, you chose me, hum, you chose me" the more I said out loud the prissier I got. "So, was I the prize, was I the stuffed animal in the machine that you captured with your claw? You don't choose me asshole, I choose the man who is going to be with me so screw you, I chose you."

I remember Harry just looking at me shocked what I said his eyes wide and confused. Savi came in the kitchen and as always hungry for food. What stunned me the most was she just walked up to Harry and hugged him good morning. I remember my mouth hung open so big I could of caught flies.

"I woke up early and Savi was awake so we began to talk, and she shared a lot of things with me. She was glad to have someone finally understand her." Of course she never said a word to me, she never even looked in my direction. I was so confused on what the hell was going on. This man comes into my life and seemingly take over the roll of "daddy" getting Sara ready for school, Sela, and then understanding the most complicated child ever born.

It then dawned on me once again, Harry peeled away Savi's onion so quickly and I was even more jealous and pissed that she felt she could talk to a perfect stranger. But I have admit, Harry had a way with people. He was so charming and so, so, irritating right at that moment. I had spent years trying to get on Savi's good side and this man comes in and gets to know her in thirty minutes? Get's her to open up about such personal things, things that she would never share with me?

I quickly began to feel like this insignificant dot in the big cold world. I was pissed and so jealous. I began to wonder if Savi was playing Harry like she did me. Was she doing this just to get to me as always and if so, well, she succeeded.

Harry gathered all the dishes along with the pots and pans and began washing dishes while I just continued to sit at the table trying to piece together last night and this morning. I never said a word to him or to Savi, nope, I just sat there. Once he was done Harry told me it would be best if he goes alone to get his things. He promised he would be back in a couple of hours.

I wanted to believe him, I really did. So, I didn't question it but I should of have. So, when he was gone Raiza came over for some fresh coffee and I began to fill her in on last night and this morning. The morning turned to afternoon and the afternoon turned to evening. Of course I tried to call Harry several times and of course he turned off his phone. As the night was about to end I gave up waiting for him to come back. He was now gone almost eleven hours and not one word from him.

I just called it a night I crawled into my bed and just laid there crying soaking my pillowcase. I was so disgusted with myself that I even allowed this asshole into my life. When morning came Raiza stopped by asking me if he ever came back. I just shook my head no and began crying once again.