Why is it we turn our eyes in the opposite direction when such tragedy is going on? Is it the fear of becoming involved or possibly misunderstanding what is exactly going on? Do we fear stepping in and possibly making things worse or do we fear, fear itself?
- If you saw someone that had no mercy for the poor would you step in and help?
- If you saw someone that had no pity for the dying would you lend your tender heart and give of yourself when no one else will?
- Do you become angry when you see someone doing something wrong then wanting to jump in to do the right thing or do you turn a blind eye to what is happening?
We are supposed to give unselfishly, love one another, volunteer our time, yet to often life gets in the way or we put the blame on others or even ourselves just to make us feel good about not doing the right thing, but when one does the right thing does it ever go unnoticed?
Why is it we are so eager to talk or gossip about the negative yet, when something good that you or other's do, it is less shared with a smile.
The longer that Savi thought of Cassandra and Phillip the more she became intrigued with them. I could tell that she was struggling with what to do but I knew if I put in my own two cents this would blow up in my face. I had to let Savi make her own decisions as hard as it was to watch her crumble and stumble, the micro-managing person living inside of me was struggling to get out. Through all the crap that happened between us I couldn't believe that there was that little tiny fragment of love left for her.
Savi finally approached me and agreed to meet them. I have to admit, I was shell shocked that she wanted to entertain the idea of meeting them and moving forward with the process of adoption. The biggest shocker of them all was that she wanted me to help her with this. So, I did. I knew the outcome of it and I knew somehow I would have to sweep up the shattered pieces of what will come but I had to put my differences and ideas aside and help her.
I called the agency and after a long conversation with the receptionist we had set up a date and time to meet at our house. The process frightened me and I wondered just what they would look like, would they provide a great home for her baby? Did they have the financial means to support a child?
We had agreed on a Thursday afternoon and when the day finally arrived I cleaned and scrubbed my house from top to bottom. It was a warm sunny Fall day because no matter what season it was, California was warm and sunny all the time. My nerves were shattered and Savi pretty much hid out in her room. I could hear her sobbing at some times and other times I could hear her dancing in her room. I wanted to believe she was releasing stress, I had to believe that and I actually admired her for making such a hard and painful decision.
When Cassandra and Phillip showed up at the front door I was greeted by a warm loving smile from them both. I could see the eager and desperate look on her face, the pleading tones in their voices to not fail them once again. Cassandra was a very big plus size woman which of course made sense of why she could never become pregnant. Phillip was almost or just about as big as his wife Cassandra. Yet, they had seemed kind and genuine.
There was such tension all the way around and I decided to start the conversation with getting to know them.
Cassandra had been a principal at her school for more than fifteen years. She came from a good family, had sisters and brothers which of course had their own children from birth. She shared how her parents were still married and what family time was like when all gathered together. She shared how Christmas was and what Thanksgiving meant to her and her family.
Phillip had been working at the same company for many years and was up for a job promotion and he loved working on computers. He seemed just as loving and genuine as Cassandra and he also had the same values as Cassandra when it came to family and friends. They shocked me when they pulled out a financial statement showing me their net worth, money in the bank, their savings account, how their house was paid for, along with doing whatever they could for Savi by providing anything that she needed.
Anything meaning clothing, food, paying for doctors appointments, paying rent, bills, I could sense the desperation in their voices when offering such a generous thing. They were ready to go above and beyond any length to have a child. I could sense the "Mercy" and desperation for a child, I felt the "Pity" for them not being able to conceive a child of their own, I then wondered would "Anger" set in if Savi denied them her child?
Our meeting was interrupted when there was a knock on the door and suddenly out of no where Savi came running from her room opening the front door and who to my shock, it was Dio! Savi clung to him crying, fearing what will happen. I could see the love for her he still had while tears fell to his face while holding her so tightly.
Dio came forward telling Cassandra, Phillip, and myself they would be right back. I was so unsure what to say and then both of them asked if he was the father? I told them about Dio and how he wanted to help her and how his parents practically blackmailed him into his studies and family. Finally about twenty minutes later Dio and Savi came from her room sitting down at the table holding hands.
Savi's face was red and swollen from crying I could tell that she was just sick to her stomach with fear and rightly so. Here were perfect strangers in my house willing to tell her, "please, we can raise your child to be a great person, we are so desperate for a child" all of our conversations flowed so easily. It seemed as if both Cassandra and Phillip had been involved in our family life for so long. They gave Savi and Dio their financial statements sharing their wealth of money.
That was when the sleeping dragon began roaring its ugly head inside of Savi. Once she saw the large sums of money both of them had, I could see her mind turning and working. I could see that she would be the master puppeteer. That was the last thing I prayed they would ever show her but they wanted to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they could and would provide for Savi before her baby arrived and after. I knew instantly from the dollar signs boldly flashing in Savi's eyes that this was going to be disastrous. She was going to play the part and she was going to get what she wanted. It just made me sick. To play on their sympathy I just wanted to puke!!
It was as if Cassandra and Phillip were holding their breaths with desperate anticipation of Savi's answer. I could see the tears forming in both their eyes as they clung to her every move, every sigh, every tear, and finally Dio spoke telling all of us at the table that Savi needed time to think about it and possibly interview other couples.
But of course Savi spoke shocking all of use when she uttered the word..."Let's Do It"