Sunday, February 12, 2017

Do You Believe?

Fate - Do you believe in fate, do you believe that everything happens for a reason, do the things that happen in our daily lives is meant to be a learning tool?

By definition of fate -
The development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.

Of course the more defined definition of "Fate" comes from Greek Mythology:
The three goddesses who preside over the birth and life of humans. Each person's destiny was thought of as a thread spun, measured, and cut by the three Fates, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos. Also called the Moirai and the Parcae

Do we have control of the fate of our daily lives? Do we have the ability to actually go against the actions of the three goddess by replacing our current thread of the fate given to us by collecting new thread that is spun, measured, and cut into a better life than what we have now?

I have just recently shared within the past maybe five years, "If I could ever be given a chance to rewrite my life, I would go all the way back to when I was in high school and have a "do-over" boy, would I do things differently". What if we can actually take what we know today and actually go back to when things were simple, easy, would we take our life's experiences and do things differently? I would. Does the fate that is bestowed upon us, was it really created or did we create it?

But I guess because I have been through what I have been through, I wouldn't be able to share my life's experiences in hopes that maybe, just maybe, I can prevent another woman or man ever going through what I went through.

The Red Flags

I think that every man or woman should know just what the "Red Flags" are during their lifetime. It doesn't necessary have to be relationship meanings, but just life in general. But the sad thing is the millions of people in this world, when the red flag is waving huge and bold in front our faces, what do we often do...we ignore it. Now, years later, lots of pain, lots of tears, and countless red flags, I am listening...maybe a little to good.

The Blurting Actions of Dee

Once I blurted out who Harry was to my two daughters and Dio in the kitchen I could see the pain in Harry's face from me calling him a no good cheating liar. Savi was hell bent on giving back the dog and Sara was more concerned of why Harry was even in the kitchen. She was already man shy from the ignorance of her unbeloved father, she tolerated Felix, and now there was a strange man wanting to occupy her mom's time.

I remember Harry stepping forward to the center of the kitchen and wanting to control an out of control situation. I was just spent and finally came to the conclusion I just didn't care anymore. Harry turned looking at me with both anger and love in his eyes for me.

"First of all Dee, you have no idea who Goldie is and why I was in San Diego and maybe, just maybe before you go judging me on being a cheating louse, you should listen to me. I'm not leaving until we talk."

I remember just standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how to take control of a sticky situation and then I just blurted out that I was going to call Cassandra and Phillip and inform them that any other things going on between Savi and this house had to be cleared by me first. I told Sara to go play outside with Tiffany and then for Savi to return the dog to Cassandra and Phillip with no questions asked. I stormed off telling everyone in my trailing voice to not follow me. I went into my room and slammed my door then locked it.

I got on my phone and called Cassandra and told her how cute the puppy was. I told her I was then upset that she took matters into her own hands before even clearing it with me about Savi. What shocked me the most was when once again Savi was blackmailing Cassandra and Phillip once again.

"She told us if we wanted her baby we need to buy her a poodle." I was beginning to hear the frustration and overwhelming fear of losing yet another baby to the mother. I was beyond pissed yes, once again. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and right at that point, I didn't know what to say to make things better. There was this long dead silence on the phone. To me, it sounded like she was almost begging now for a baby. It could of been any baby at this point in her life.

I broke the silence by asking how much this dog was. Cassandra paused for what seemed like forever and then me demanding once again to know what she paid for the dog. When she told me she paid almost $500 dollars that dog I flew off the handle in just anger. Savi was once again taking them for granite but now it had become personal. I didn't even say good bye, I just slammed down the phone went to my door unlocked it hitting the walls behind it and stormed out of my room.

Harry was still there, he was sitting at the table waiting for me. Now that did surprise me. "What are you still doing here, never mind, I don't want to know why I have bigger things to take care of." I pounded my feet on the floor making my way to Savi's room throwing open her door. I wanted to pounce on her, I wanted to choke her, I wanted to slap her.

"You know, when you were born, instead of naming you Savi, I should of named you, "manipulating bitch" how dare you, how dare you continue to blackmail Cassandra and her husband. When are you going to stop, when is enough actually enough? Don't you think you have been given enough? Cellphones, clothing, gift cards, money, when is enough really enough?"

I remember going to her closet ripping off all her brand new maternity clothes tossing then all over the place while I continued to yell and scream how rotten she was. "This is going to bite you in your ass so bad and I PRAY I am there to watch you go down, I want to watch you squirm, I want to watch you scream mercy and when that does happen and trust me you wicked child, it will happen I will just walk away from you." .

Yes, I had reached yet another dark pinnacle place in my life. I heard footsteps coming up to me and a hand taking hold of my arm. It was Harry and he began trying to lead me out of the room. For some reason I allowed him too.

"Your going to regret saying things like that to your daughter, we need to get out of here, I'm taking you for a drive. Get your coat. Harry turned to Savi telling her to make sure Raiza can watch Sara and Sela please. He told both Dio and Savi that I would be back later that evening. 

I loved how he took control of the situation and I loved it most when he placed his warm gentle loving hand in mine. I could feel him squeezing my hand and me catching my breath from his very touch. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating, the suit attire he wore, the sexy stance he took with me just sent me to the moon. Was he now my Knight in Shinning Armor?

Had my house become the fire breathing dragon that I was desperately trying to slay? Was I supposed to see Harry riding up on the strong white stallion horse then grasping my arm raising me to him as we rode off with me clinging to him for comfort?

Was I to ignore the fact that he did cheat on me, were we in a place that I could actually call it cheating? I mean we never actually made a commitment to each other or was I just trying to find any excuse or reason to take away the fact that he was in San Diego with another woman?

Was this a "Red Flag" that I should be paying attention to?