Friday, February 10, 2017

Changing Tides

Growing up right on the beaches of Southern California I had the pleasure of talking to many fisherman. These were old timers that had lived on the waters most of their lives if not all of their lives. The stories they told of the far off distant places I never heard of or even existed always kept me sitting on the edge of my seat wishing I had some popcorn.

The most important golden one rule of the ocean they always told me was;

"The ocean is like your life, when the tide is out it is peaceful, it is calm and inviting, yet when the tide is high shared by rocky turbulent waters, the one thing you never do is turn your back to the wicked sea that is trying to take you down."

All of our lives are very similar to the ocean waters. For me, I have dreamt of being able to have my life be that low tide as I stroll along the shores of the beach with the warmth of sun behind me. I would imagine the cool salty beach water cascading up touching my toes then bringing a shiver down my spine.

Instead of the cool crisp calming waters from the vast far deep oceans my life was the turbulent rocky waters filled with raging white caps that could tell a story of where they have been and where they are going next. The warm sun is no longer beaming down warming my back instead, when I look up I see the dark cloudy skies filled with multiple hues of black and gray mixed with rapid winds tossing me about struggling for my sea legs but the wind is to strong to now stand on brisk cool sand.

My life had become my own raging waters of the ocean, I could never turn my back and I had to steer through the multiple tossing of the ocean waters hoping and praying that my sea legs would hold me because with each toss of the wild waters of Savi along with everyone and everything that blast against my body, I had to hold on for the wild ride hoping and praying for that calm warm inviting sun yet knowing I would probably never live out my dream.

The Raging Waters of Harry and Savi

I had to take a stand with my sea legs I had to show the raging waters that I was once again strong even when I was at my weakest point. We all have our weak points and often many fear verbalizing them because for some reason they truly believe it is a sign of weakness. For me, it is a sign of growth. It will take us and turn us inside out, upside down, and yes, it will hurt it will hurt so badly that you do not wish such pain on your own worst enemy.

Sara was so insistent on knowing who Harry was and why he was standing in the kitchen holding the facial expression of shock and awe because I knew who Goldie was. For me,  I was standing before him mixed with emotions, my heart was pounding out of my chest I wanted to blurt out how I loved him and at the same time I wanted to hurt him.

I was interrupted with thoughts of torture I wanted to place on Harry by Savi and Dio coming in the front door and with a puppy, a DOG! Savi's face was beaming with delight and Dio was laughing repeatedly saying over and over how adorable the puppy was. I remember throwing my arms up with disgust from the entire afternoon, first Harry now Savi and Dio and oh yeah, let's throw Sara into the mix demanding to know certain things plus why Savi had a dog but she couldn't.

My head felt like it was in a vice and it just kept turning and turning similar to the ocean waters making my head feel like it was just going to explode.

"Everyone, shut up, just shut the hell up, good God, just shut the hell up." I roared with such a demanding deep voice. Everyone just stopped moving and stared at me as if I was just insane. Even the puppy in Savi's arms took to silence.

"Harry, you have a lot of explaining to do, Savi, why in the hell do you have a dog, a dog of all things, take that thing and get rid of it. How did you get a dog and why would you want a dog? Wait, where did you get the money for a dog anyways?"

Savi's eyes grew wild and vicious from me telling her to get rid of the dog and then she turned and asked who the man in the kitchen was and why was he here. Harry just stood back leaning on the counter with his hands in his pockets watching everything unfold not saying a word.

"He's a white French Poodle. Cassandra and Phillip got it for me." Savi spit out.

I just stood there then noticing all the eyes of everyone in the room staring and watching me wondering what I was going to say next. I giggled my very well known sinister laugh and I was known by my kids if my upper lip disappears that means I am beyond angry, I am ragging blackout mad. And yes, I lost my upper lip, it disappeared!

"Oh no, mom is mad, she is raging blackout mad," said Sara to everyone in the room.

"I am just wondering when my house became Cassandra and Phillips home or when it became everyone else's home but mine? No one even asked me if you can have the dog, no, they both just took upon themselves that you can have this dog right? This is my house, I pay the bills, the space rent, and I make the rules. Get RID of that DOG!"

The room remained silent after my barking demands. I could see that Savi was ready to blow like Old Faithful, Harry still stood there leaning on the counter, Dio was shocked at how I blew up, Sara was wanting to hold the puppy but Savi continued pulling away silently giving the hint to quit it.

Harry stood upright and looked around the room, then at me, then around the room once more. He cleared his throat and began to speak. His tone was gentle and soft, his eyes filled with curiosity of my life.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to everyone?" I let out a shock of disbelief that he would say such a rhetorical thing.

"Harry this is Sara my middle daughter, Savi my pregnant unwed teen her boyfriend Dio and Sela well she's out with her dad. Everyone, this is the lying cheating immoral Harry.