Saturday, January 28, 2017

Want to Run Away?

 I am sure in everyone's life at some point we all just want to run away. We want to escape to a place where life was easy. It is much like the ticket man standing on the steps of the train yelling "ALL ON BOARD, HEADING TO LAND OF THE FREE" we don't need our luggage because everything will be provided for us. We will have food, clothing, and oh yeah, no kids allowed.

I mean who doesn't want to run away at some point in their lives? I know I did I wanted to just give up on being a mom, I was just exhausted when Savi was home. I felt deflated like the tire on your car.

And HER plane lands 

When my brother called and told me that he was shipping Savi back home, I could tell by the bitterness in his voice that he was beyond pissed. He was beyond hope for her. My brother is the one person that can take someone with their feet planted firmly on the ground denying they will do anything for him and yet somehow someway, they end up doing exactly what my brother wants. I called it manipulation my brother called it the power of suggestion. I remember very clearly that I told him I didn't want her back here. I was done with everything I no longer wanted my very own child back in my life. I was done with her and her crazy mixed up life.

So many people had tried to help her and still she would stomp on the hearts of plenty, break all the rules and still so many told me that it was a cry for help, but help was the one thing that not even the greatest of doctors could provide for her. While she was living with Rick he pulled her off of her medications of anti-depressant which of course had horrible effects on her. Anyone taking anti-depressants cannot just quit cold turkey.

My brother told me the flight number and what time she would land. My nightmare had come true, she was in fact coming home. But he went beyond telling me her arrival for me to gather my child. While living in with my brother she manage to singlehandedly sleep with a boy that just pissed my brother off enough to send her packing back to me. This boy came from a great family, had ambition, had goals and my brother was more like his mentor. His name was Jeffrey and his dad was a well known doctor and mother a school teacher within that small town. He had colleges lined up to pick from and Jeffrey was well on his way to success.

The problem was Savi was sleeping around with so many men and boys that she ended up pregnant and yet she didn't know who the father was so she decided to find the best family with the best home, money in the bank and good boy to fall back on. My brother found a pregnancy test in his trash can which read positive and immediately he went into a downward spiral of spewing anger. From the conversation I had with my brother he wasn't yelling, "Hot Diggity Dog, she's going to have a baby."

So because this good old boy believed in doing the right thing, he had planned on dropping out of college, he told his parents that Savi was pregnant and he would be working full time to provide a home for his new baby that was coming and for Savi as well. The problem with Savi's plan was when she went in for her first ultrasound she told Jeffrey that she was only six weeks pregnant, yet the ultrasound said something else. It read that she was almost three months pregnant.

Imagine telling someone that the baby your carrying from who knows who and telling some guy that it's his when in fact you don't even know who's it is just to get something out of it. That was my brother's last straw. He wanted Savi gone for good.

The Plane Lands

My heart was filled with disgust for even having a daughter that would lay having a baby on some guy when she wasn't even sure who the father was. Savi of course had no idea I had read her emails only because of her horrible tricks and antics my brother promised to protect me. He actually put the blame on him which stunned me that he would do anything so kind for me. His last words to me when he was spewing every single cuss word invented was he had no idea how I have survived having such a horrible child. That was when I told him, "Welcome to my one way world, Savi's world, she was going to tear down and break any person that got in her way of doing what she wanted and she didn't care who she hurt and what lie was told."

Now I had to break the news once again to Sara that her sister was coming home because of her horrible tricks and antics played on my brother her uncle, and to some guy telling him he was the father when in fact he wasn't. Sara of course didn't know how to react. Things were going great while Savi was gone. The house was peaceful, I could hear the laughter of kids playing outside, Sara was back on a good sleeping pattern and she quickly caught up to the so much missed homework. She had developed a great friendship with Tiffany and soon they were inseparable. They did everything together. Now it would all come crashing down once again. My heart went out to Sara she was happy that her sister was gone. Now she had to relive once again the horrible nightmares her sister so easily and not a care in the world provided to this family.

I loaded up the girls Sara and Sela and headed to the airport. I kept thinking over and over the rules I would set for Savi, I wad going to remain strong, I was going to lay it on thick. She was not going to railroad me once again and start calling the shots. I just kept telling myself that over and over while driving to the airport. Once I had arrived I found Savi outside waiting for me. I remember I could feel my skin crawl at the very sight of her and my head just becoming so weak. My thoughts of how things were going to go suddenly became disheveled and seemed confusing for me. Right then and there I knew she had become my kryptonite just the sight of her made me weak.

Savi climbed into the car and pulled her jacket over her face not willing to say hello to anyone. She never smiled or uttered a single word to me or Sara or even saying hello to Sela. I couldn't believe that she was playing the role of being pissed. It just made me chuckle inside that she was pissed!

Pulling into the driveway Savi climbed out before I could even put the car in park and turn off the engine. She went inside and once inside I could hear her bedroom door slamming shut so hard it rattled all the windows. That is when I just lost my shit. I told Sara to take herself along with Sela and go to Raiza's house and just wait there for me. I finally had enough ammunition on her to stop the phone calls to CPS, stop the cops, stop the court dates, just to stop everything. Savi was tearing this family apart and I was not going to stand for it.

I stormed into the house jaunting to her bedroom and threw the door open. There she was laying on her bed crying like a baby. I didn't care, she had ruined everything and everyone that she touched or came close to touching.

"Oh poor misunderstood baby, poor pregnant baby." Savi immediately turned to her other side sitting up shocked that I knew of her pregnancy. The look on her face was just crazy.

"What, you thought I wouldn't know, and to think you wanted to trap a good kid, a kid that had a future, a kid that was going places and doing good things with his life, a kid that had a good family, and you Savi, you had planned on trapping him into a pregnancy that wasn't even his. Who does that Savi, who traps some guy into thinking it was his baby?"

I was so angry that I had spit dangling from my chin I could feel my head get hot, I could feel my blood rushing through my body and my heart beating out of my chest. I didn't care any longer what I said to her, I didn't care if I hurt her, I didn't care what the final effect was to her. Savi got up and grabbed the phone screaming at me that she was going to call CPS and report my abuse.

"Go ahead, call CPS, I dare you to, because if and when you do, honey I have ammunition on you now to bring you to your knees. What, you thought your uncle wasn't going to tell me what you were doing over there, let's see, want me to recite your daily antics, how you planned on telling a young boy that the baby was his when it fact it wasn't, or how about the emails I got telling men you will screw them for money. Imagine, a mother finding those emails and learning her daughter is a prostitute. So go ahead call them, because I have copies of everything you did, I have photos, witnesses, the arrest, the drugs, the drinking. So, you want to bring me to my knees, think twice bitch."

Savi just continued to cry on her bed and I told her I was immune to her tears, they meant nothing to me. My heart no longer broke or hurt any longer. Savi wanted to teach me to hate her, well, I had become valedictorian of her class, I had officially hated her now.

"So, this is how its going to play out, you no longer call the shots in this house, you will go back on your meds, you will not be out past seven at night, you will report to me where you go, who your with and if I disapprove, you will not be with those people. You will get a job and I don't care how sick you are from being pregnant, you will work. You don't follow the rules that I have now set I will kick your ass to the curb and right now the way it looks, no one wants you. So, you want a roof over your head, food in your stomach, you do what I say." And with that, I slammed her door shut and walked off.

I felt celebrated, I took back my power and she was not going to take it any longer.