Monday, January 30, 2017

Do Promises Need to be Kept?

Just what is a promise and has everyone ever lived up to their promises that comes from their very mouth? Can promises be broken and still not suffer the wrath of what may fall? I for one have had to break a few promises due to circumstances and yes I too have suffered the wrath of what has fallen. I have suffered the guilt of my broken promises many times over.

I have tried redemption for my broken promises desperately seeking forgiveness but once a promise is broken to a loved one or a dear friend can we ever trust them ever again? Is it true that there are different levels of promises that if broken we need not seek redemption or forgiveness?

Is forgiveness easily given to the ones we uttered our solemn promises to?

The Promise 

Growing up in the era I did, Catholics were taught that birth control was a sin. Just about every religion sees bringing a child into the world is a gift from God. It is a blessing that is bestowed upon us by the very hands of our lord, God.

Dio had to somehow get his parents to see his vision of how much he loved Savi and why he was tending to a pregnant girl that is in fact unmarried. Dio's parents as I shared, were devote Catholics which I never had the privilege to ever meet. Dio shared with me the kindness of his family, the love that is shared from both the kids and his family lending their time to the food bank each and every weekend or serving food at their church to the less fortunate. Yes, Dio's family was very involved with the community and they were known by many for being kind generous souls.

Dio was going to make sure that the promises he made to Savi was going to be kept at any cost. He was so in love with her and every waking minute he could he was at our house.

Dio never went into specifics of how they accepted Savi and most of all they were very concerned with his studies falling behind yet in fact he was struggling in a suffocating way but somehow he managed to keep up with his homework, Savi, all the doctors appointments and still making time to spend with Savi. I do know that Dio was most eager to have Savi keep the baby and raise it as his very own as if the child would be his.

He always shared the vision of what it would be like to be married to Savi and starting a family. Yes, Dio as a true vision of love at heart. But deep in the shadows Savi was still uneasy about having a baby as well as being married. She and I had been on talking terms which was more than I ever expected and I had confronted her in a gentle like way to find out her thinking and if in fact she was going to keep the baby. Savi of course never really gave me an answer.

Savi was well into her six month of pregnancy and she was still continuing to get sick from certain smells. I remember one afternoon she was craving fruit. I went to the store with her to have her gather what she wanted and she found a platter of all ready cut up fruit of watermelon, cantaloupe, and other mixed fruit. She sat and just ate that entire platter in one sitting. I warned her of reaching a certain peak and possibly getting sick but she just continued to eat, and eat, and eat, until that platter was gone.

I had to run errands and she actually wanted to go with me. I was driving to the Walmart Supercenter when suddenly she began to not feel well. I pulled into the parking lot of Walmart when suddenly she just began to puke like Old Faithful. It just wouldn't stop. A man came up asking if we needed help and I whispered to him, "she's pregnant and not feeling well" the strange man giggled and told me that he too went through something similar with his wife and quickly left. I of course was being sympathetic and rubbing her back reassuring her she was okay and it would be alright and when she was finally done there on the ground was this massive pile of regurgitated fruit platter.

Once she was done I have to admit that I was so embarrassed that I actually moved the car to a different parking stall. Once we were home we were met by Dio and he was clearly upset about something. He sat at the table asking to speak to me personally which irritated Savi to no end. She wanted to be involved in the conversation and he promised he would share it with her once he was done talking to me.

When Savi left the living room heading to her room then closing her door behind her Dio looked at me with tears in his eyes. Because of the baby bump that continued to grow and with Dio's grades now beginning to slip, his family was putting the pressure on him to break it off with her. They told him that if he continued to see her and help her with her pregnancy he would end up paying for college. If he stopped they would continue to pay for his college.

With the now broken promises and the ultimatum given to Dio by his family can he forgive them and see why they are so concerned for their son spending time with an unwed soon to be mother?  I remember sitting there and within seconds I was put in the most uncompromising position ever. He wanted me to make the decision for him and that was something I was not going to do. Dio did have a very promising career as a Pharmacist and he was well on his way. How can he expect me to give him an answer on what to do or did he just want to blow off steam and have someone listen to him?

This conversation reminded me of not one person listening to me when I was going through all that crap with Savi and her cutting and drinking. So, I just sat and listened to him. He just flipped flopped from crying to anger then back to crying and anger over and over. I remember taking his hand and telling him to just breath...take a deep breath, you see I already knew that Savi was not as dedicated to this relationship as much as Dio was.

Savi never spoke of Dio in a loving compassionate way. She never shared how she loved him and wanted to be with him. Dio was always the one that openly shared his love for Savi, he was the one always reaching for her to hug her and hold her. Savi never made any attempts of reaching out for Dio repeatedly telling him that she loved him ever. I began to wonder if she even did love Dio or if she was just using him because he was so convenient.

Was Savi using Dio to take her to the doctors in replace of me taking her, was she not sharing her love for him because in fact she did not love him? I knew of her playing both ends when Dio wasn't around telling different guys how cute they were, talking to many other guys as a matter of fact. Her loyalty should of been with Dio, but loyalty was something that never flowed through the blood veins of Savi.

I have always had a rule with myself and my daughters...yes its harsh, yes its a bold statement but it is something that I have lived with my whole entire life....

"You want to go out and fuck the world, that's your business, but when you find someone that wants to love you and you want to love them back, then you stay loyal to that person and ONLY that person no matter how hard it gets, you remain loyal until you either want out or you want a divorce.

I knew what I had to do, it was something I didn't want to do and I was playing with fire I was either going to make the fire bigger by my own fault or I was going to put the fire out. I told Dio to wait at the table I was going to go talk to Savi.

I still remember the conversation with her....

"Hey, got a minute Savi?" Savi immediately sat up on her bed demanding to know what was going on. I could hear the panic in her voice wondering what Dio was talking to me about.

I leaned on the edge of her dresser and then it all came out....

"Do you know how to love someone, I mean a deep down feeling of loving someone to the point that you didn't want to live without them, you wanted to be with them all the time not just out of convenience but because you miss them when they are gone and you count the minutes until you see them again."

I still remember the look on her face the rolling of her eyes, she was looking at me as if I was speaking a foreign language to her. I could tell that she grew instantly uncomfortable and didn't want to have this conversation with me. That was when I knew she wasn't feeling the same feelings as Dio was with her. I remember Savi got up to leave but I stopped her and forcefully sat her down on her bed.

I was just shocked and astounded at her reaction, "you don't love Dio do you, you aren't even in the same vicinity or even in the same block of loving him as he is with you are you?" I could feel the heat of the fire I had now started between us, I could feel the burning anger of Savi's eyes penetrating me all the way through my body. She yelled that it was none of my business and that again made me lose my shit.

"Are you kidding me, your kidding me right? Oh my God Savi, you have a man that has gone against the grain of his family a family that is so tight, and he is willing to give all that up for you, they have given him the worst ultimatum of his life, either he stops seeing you and they continue to pay for his college or, if he continues to see you, he must pay for his own college."

Not a blink, not a thought crossed her mind. Nothing, she was colder then a block of ice. Nope, she just sat there with a blank look on her face. I remember she just shrugged her shoulders then suddenly she asked me, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Wow Savi, you really have no heart do you, wait, do you even know how to love someone, do you even know what love is, please, tell me you do?" My mind was just spinning, there she was just sitting there without a care in the world...

"Well, little girl, my uncaring, confused, selfish girl, you have a guy out there that loves you more then life its self and he is willing to give up everything for you, so if you don't love him then you better tell him its over and send him on his way so he can have a chance at finding real love because the way I see it, your just using him out of convenience so you don't need to spend time with me."

The look on her face just said it all..."BINGO!" I hit a nerve, it's not about being right, it's about doing the right thing. Savi got so pissed she just so angry at me that was when I finally told her...

"Wait, your not pissed at me, your pissed you got caught. How long do you think this was going to actually play out, how long were you going to drag this amazing guy through the dirt?"

Savi stormed out of her room because she couldn't take it anymore, I had to push her to the limits so that she could see just what she was doing was wrong. She stomped over to Dio who was sitting still at the dining table clearly crying his eyes out.

"It's over Dio, I never loved you, you were just convenient to me, hit the road and don't come back."