Friday, December 30, 2016

Blend Gently Not Firmly

Blending a family often is the same as cooking a soufflé. You need to do it with a tender loving hand. Take all the ingredients and gently fold them in with a tender loving hand. Take your time, never rush because when you do, it will not rise it will do the opposite, it will become flat, unappealing, as well as something you do not want to present to the world.

No matter if your adding a man into the mix of a single woman with kids or a man blending in a woman into his life with his kids, or a single father and single mother coming together to become one family, it is the hardest and often the most difficult task that one will ever create.

Tempers will flair often rising to a level of hurt, pain, and exhaustion which is then followed by tears. I guess we call that the "Adjustment Period" Felix came into my crazy messed up life with no problems, he was a free man able to come and go as he pleased. He never had to answer to anyone or report back to a wife and throw in a newborn into the mix well, that can make it complicated.

The thing I find the funniest is when someone who has had no children can voice their opinion on how to raise your own children. Somethings can be insightful, somethings can be just down right insulting, yet, we tell them, "until you have had children of your own, you just don't get it"

Savi was beginning to push every single button from every single person in the house. She was becoming more withdrawn and not willing to be part of the family anymore. She was hiding out in her room shutting herself off from the world not only the world of her family but the outside world. No matter how many times I tried to reel her in and talk to her the more I tried the more she pulled away.

My mom and dad were well aware of what she was doing with my mom telling me to stop trying so hard. I had not yet gotten up the courage to tell her that Savi was now drinking either secretly in the house which I could never find her booze she hid it so well that not even a bomb sniffing dog could find it. She also began drinking at the tender age of twelve outside of the house. Savi was caught stealing booze from the grocery stores as well. She would open her backpack that was used for school replacing her books for booze.

Yep, she had the same illness as Rick, she was also an alcoholic. After countless times of phone calls coming from the local grocery store repeatedly telling me that she stole booze once again, the store manager finally threw up his hands in anger and turned her into the police. The police arrested her and then called me sharing the story of how they found Jack Daniels in her backpack not just one bottle but three bottles.

When I went down to the juvenile jails I actually bailed her out. We were given a court date for her to appear and then that was when I knew I had to get my father involved. I had no choice. This was a conversation that had to be said in person not something shared over the phone. Once we were out of jail I called my parents and told them I would be right over because I needed to talk to them it was an urgent matter.

Sara of course was always left behind to care for Sela each and every time I need to tend to Savi and her wild chosen life style now. Even though Sara said it was no big deal I could tell by the tone of her voice that it did in fact bother her. I guess it was true what she feared the most had come true. She was now the middle child and often forgotten about. My plate was beginning to overflow with so many things. Savi and her crazy choices, Felix wanting to make a run from his life living with me, Sara who now actually believed in the middle child syndrome and to throw into the mix of my crazy life, a newborn baby to boot.

When we arrived to my parents house Savi was kicking and screaming not literally but verbally. All she wanted to do was go home and go to bed. That was her therapy of choice to lock herself out of the world from daily living, daily interacting with people, just living daily. Once inside my dad made a beeline drive to Savi. to give her a hug then he stopped dead in his tracks.

I remember he took her head and held it back gazing directly into her eyes then looking at her flushed skin, her bloodshot eyes, her dropping body.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" my dad asked her. She just wrapped her arms around him burying herself into his always worn V-Neck white tee-shirts letting the flooding of tears begin. I of course just cut loose and shook my head in disbelief of her behavior.

"Oh please Savi, shut up and tell them why we are really here. We need your grandfathers help and he is the only one that can help us." I tossed down my purse to the ground shaking my head at how she was reeling him in like a fisherman with the largest catch he ever got. She was now becoming Rick, a con-artist, an alcoholic and let's throw into the mix, a criminal record now.

My mom emerged from the bedroom gazing at Savi and myself quickly asking what was wrong and why we had to come over to talk to them.

I folded my arms in front of myself shifting my weight to one leg then cocking my head to one side filled with piss and vinegar.

"So Savi," with sarcasm in my voice, "why don't you tell them why were actually here or do you want me to share that with them?"

While holding her grandfather still she turned her face looking directly at me with tears running down her face followed by snot running from her nose she mouthed the word, "F**K YOU" with anger in her eyes, her face twisted in disbelief that we were there then taking her angered look to now fear. She had to face the music, she had to tell her grandparents what she had done.

"Well hell, someone tell me what is going on" demanded my mom.

"I guess I will be the "bad guy" here mom, Savi was arrested for shop lifting."

My dad quickly peeled Savi from his body while she continued to grasp with her life but his strength was to much for her. He shoved her away from him peering his deep blue eyes right at her. His eyes winced in both concern and worry now.

"Where's Sara?" asked my mom.

"She's home with Sela, she's fine besides I called Raiza on the way over here and she is going to go get them both and take them home with her."

We all filed downstairs to the bottom level of the house sitting down at the kitchen table. I began sharing how I was catching their grand daughter drinking for sometime, how I was trying to deal with it, and now it has come full circle, she was now a thief. Both my parents just sat there looking at me as if I was speaking Russian to them desperately trying to understand what I was conveying to them. Both of them confused, shocked, and dismayed at their once sweetheart grand daughter.

When my dad is beyond anger he begins to shake his right leg, well he was jiggling it so badly he was shaking the things on the table and the décor on the glass shelves as well. My mom grabbed the things from the table moving them away telling my dad to knock it off and help me deal with this.

"What the hell did you take and why in the hell would you feel like you can steal anything damn thing Savi." my dad's voice now riveting with anger spewing out that very question.

Savi just hung her head in what I think was shame but she had a different agenda. Yep, she threw me under the bus, not a sitting bus, but a bus that was moving slowly running me over and over and over.

"Well, mom is the one that is the stupidest person ever. She thinks that Felix is my dad and I hate her and now I have to deal with his crap and him telling me what to do and.." my dad put up his hand swiftly to stop her then snickering in her answer.

"You mean to tell me, or your trying to tell me that your mother is at fault here Savi? Are you really going to go with that answer. That is the best you've got right now, blaming your mom?"

"What did she steal?' questioned my mom. Right then I buried my face into my hands inhaling then letting go with a huff to my breath. "I can tell you exactly what she took, she stole three bottles of Jack Daniels from the grocery store."

My dad threw up his hands in disbelief shooting up from his seat his eyes so large they looked like they were going to fall out of his sockets. My mom letting out a sigh of shock then turning to anger then snickering shaking her head back and forth.

Savi just turned to look at me I could visibly see the hatred she had for me, "well, you didn't seem to want to answer them Savi, so I guess I had to do it for you." I told her. Savi just sat there not even caring what she did, she didn't care that she got caught, she didn't care that she was arrested, she didn't care that my father told her that this would follow her for the rest of her life.

I left the table heading out to my car to gather all the papers from the police station heading back into the house then handing them to my dad. As he looked them over he shared how he knew the arresting officer, he even know what court house this would be held at without looking at the rest of the papers.

Then to shock both my parents and myself Savi shot up from the table and just exploded in anger...

"I Told mom I wanted to go live with Rick sometime ago and she keeps telling me no, she keeps saying that is the worst idea that I could ever have. I don't want to live with some asshole that keeps telling me what to do when he is clearly not my dad. I hate having a baby in the house, I hate having mom married, I hate my life, I don't want to live in that stupid mobile home any more, I hate the people there."

"Well Savi," began my mother, "your mom is right, you are not going to go live with that manipulating asshole that you claim is your father, your stuck where your at little girl so you better find some way to fix it and fix it now. Your dad is the worst person to ever walk on this planet. He abused your mom for three years, he is a drunk and now you want to go live with him because why, because it having booze at your fingertips is the easiest thing for you right now right?"

I was floored at my mom's response to Savi and Savi just sat and cried.

"Oh boo-hoo Savi, get it together girl, you have to appear in court and before that happens, I need to make some phone calls and see if I can get you out of this." said my dad.

I remember my mom turning to look at my dad first shocked at him wanting to bail her out, then turning shaking her head completely rude to my dad telling him that is the worst idea ever. She told him that she needs to go to the court, see the judge and serve her time.

I couldn't agree more.