Friday, December 2, 2016

#AMAZING, #HEISALWAYSSAVED

7 X-rays of multiple places on my chest and ribs
4 Stitches on my lip
Countless black and blue marks on my face
Pain in my back
Pain in my stomach
Strands of hair still hanging waiting to be pulled out and tossed into the trash

My mom urged me to press charges, my dad urged me not to. Once again it was an out all war seemingly similar to the Hatfields and Mc Coys. I kept trying to interrupt my parents but their voices went up and up which ultimately exploded.

Of course no one ever asked me what I wanted to do. No one ever came to talk to me while I was in the hospital. There was no police officer that came to see to make a report, I asked for one and the nurse kindly replied that she would notify the head nurse and then they would be called. But as the minutes ticked into hours and I continued to lay on the hospital bed, not one police officer showed up.

It seems he was just invincible practically bullet proof. My mom stormed out of the hospital and my dad just continued to look at me as if I was the problem. The silent glares, the shaking of the head while looking at me, was I just unreachable for anyone to hold me and let me just unload and weep out my pain? Why was everyone pointing fingers at me as if I was the one causing this pain. And, instead of that every so famous saying, "out of the mouths of babes" it was really "out of the mouths of my father"

"You have to stop pissing him off" I remember hearing the ticking of the monitors in the room, the passing conversations between nurses and doctors, the constant overhead calling of doctors to rooms, the unstoppable pinging of bells all outside of my room. I just looked at my dad even more disgusted at him then ever.

I was just exhausted both mentally, physically, and any other word you want to toss in. I just became instantly withdrawn. The one man I was supposed to honor, love, respect, the man who was supposed to be my hero, who would always protect me, who would love me unconditionally, now has made my stomach turn so badly I just wanted to toss up my guts all over him and the floor.

I just wanted my life to end. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Rick just seemed to have this protective shield all around him that enabled him to get away with almost killing me, possibly breaking my ribs (I was still waiting on the doctor to tell me if in fact I did have something broken).

I didn't want to be a mother anymore, I didn't care who took the girls, I didn't care where they went, I didn't care if they lived or died only because I didn't care if I lived or died. I was so tired of being blamed for Ricks actions.

"I should stop pissing him off? You have got to be kidding me." I shouted back to my dad, "you have got to be F***ING kidding me, so this is my fault, I had a hand in this right? Your the person who told me to go after him in child support, your the person who told me that every father needs to see their kids no matter what they did. And now, you sit here with me and tell me I should stop pissing him off."

My dad stood up towering over the bed, his eyes widened at the slamming I gave him.

"First and foremost, you will not talk to me that way and you will not cuss at me, I am your father, not some asshole you just met."

"Then stop acting like one DAD! your supposed to be on my side. Here is the biggest asshole ever who has NOT paid me any child support, who has skipped his visitation so many times, who has now possibly broken a rib, caused me to have stitches, and you sit there telling me to not piss him off. Sure, lets not piss off the precious Rick, I would hate to make him so mad right?"

I remember just rolling over on the bed turning my back to my dad, sobbing and telling him to leave the room. I grabbed the nurse call button slamming down the red button with my thumb crying. Finally when the nurse appeared in the room and I began screaming to get him out of the room. My ribs ached, my stomach was just churning feeling like I was about to vomit.

My mom finally returned to my room walking right into the storm of my dad and me.

"What the hell is going on here." my mom demanded

"Get him the hell out of here." I demanded right back, "get this asshole out of my room."

"I'm sorry sir but your going to have to leave, I can't have you upsetting your daughter like this." the nurse told my dad. My mom just stood there dumbfounded looking dazed and confused. My dad shot a disapproving glare at me and then stormed out.

My mom came up softly touching me consoling me, whispering how sorry she was. I whipped around to look at her where I could sense the anguish of wanting to be in two places at one time. She wanted to be with me but then she always wanted to be with my dad. I get it, that's her husband, I'm her daughter and to be put in that position was not fair. My dad was being unfair, unreasonable and just down right stupid.

"I thought dad hated men that hit women? Wasn't he the one that told Don, your son, to never hit a woman no matter what she did or says, didn't he say that time and time again all through our lives growing up?"

"Well, did he say, what didn't he say?" my mom asked me.

"He told me I have got to stop pissing off Rick." the look on my mom's face, the anger that took over the kindness, the smoke beginning to form from her nostrils, I could tell that she was about to boil over like a hot tea pot on a scalding hot stove.

I remember she stormed out of the room swinging open the hospital doors as they slammed against the wall and was gone for what seemed to be forever then finally returning with my dad.

My dad took in a heavy sigh, he seemed troubled to find the words to say because it was not something he ever said...

"I'm sorry for saying what I said to you, you were right, Rick was wrong for doing this to you and I should be on your side. Please,..Please,...forgive me."

I rolled over to see my dad his face hard, his looks unbelieving almost seeming like he was being forced to apologize.

If not to make things worse, a police officer showed up, an officer I had never seen before, she was short in size almost butch like. She came in and introduced herself as Officer Tandy.

"Mrs. Ayala?" I rolled over and shouted, "I was never married to him, please do not call me that!"

"My apologies, I was wondering if you want to press charges on Rick, would you like to proceed forward?"

"Yes, I want you to find him and arrest him, I want him fed to starving tigers in a well, I want him brought in and charged with assault and abuse."

Officer Tandy took down what seemed to be relevant accusations. She asked where he lived and if I know the address of his job. She asked if he had any weapons or anything that she needs to be made aware of. I gave her what information I knew of and finally she turned and left the room.

"You did the right thing sweetheart." my mom told me as she squeezed my hand giving me the reassurance that I so much needed.