Monday, November 14, 2016

This is the reason

I was once told by someone I need to share my story. To be honest, the person standing before me instructing me open up to be forthcoming about my very personal dark and always daunting life I guess I gave them a look that was so apparent to them must of screamed, "ARE YOU NUTS" 

Opening up and sharing one's most darkest travels is a very personal decision. It is part of one's own life we often wish to carve out of our very own body, place it in a bottle and toss it out to sea to never feel that pain, humiliation, followed with embarrassment let alone admitting that you allowed this to happen.

But this friend of mine told me that what I went through could actually help another. She continued to tell me that if my story could touch just one life, just one person, I could maybe save one life, or save just one person.

Through my travels of finding myself once again, I learned rather quickly that one should never tell someone going through their own personal tragedy, "I know exactly what your going through" because in reality what may seem like a duplicate of our own personal lives it really isn't.

Plugging into the deepest coldest part of the ocean to find the bottle I tossed out to sea only to open it and face my story is the hardest thing to ever do. It means I must finally face my demons. Does that mean this is healing point in my life?

We all blog for a reason

Blogging has become the new way of reading about one's personal lives. There is the world traveler who made it their mission in life to reach out and touch the lives of so many in different foreign countries. We can witness their growth through their blogging as it unfolds telling the stories of the lives they have forever changed as it changes the person that started out traveling to now becoming a hero to so many under privileged countries.  

Then there is the man or woman who is this amazing cook. They have the gift of turning everyday simple spices, everyday meats thus creating a meal one wishes they knew how to cook. So they will sit and blog on just how to recreate that mouth watering pot roast, those mouths that hang open at the sides dishes and desserts.

There are mommy bloggers that blog about their pregnancy experience then child birthing. They want the world to know how two people so very much in love have created the greatest gift that ever be put upon them, their own child being brought into this world.

Then you have mommy bloggers that share their stories of horrific pain of never being able to produce a baby. They blog about their painful experience of in vitro-fertilization, the expenses, what they are willing to give up, what they sacrificed, the countless tears as each month that comes and goes, they find it did not take.

Then you have mommy bloggers that share how having a child with down syndrome has either made them a better person, it has challenged them to understand who they are the strength they never knew they ever had so deep down within their own hearts. Then there are the mommies who wonder why, why would God bless them with a child that is so challenged and so dependent upon their own parents. The guilt that is riddled with their own personal thoughts trying to recreate what they ate, what they drank and if that last cigarette really made such a difference?

There are thousands if not millions of stories planted each and every day about someone or something that has changed the lives of the person blogging. Often as a blogger we hope and pray that our story, our own story can at least tough the lives of just one person. And, if it does, we hope and pray that it will in fact make a difference.

I am not blogging about my personal tragedy of domestic violence to have someone feel sorry for me, I am not trying to portray myself as would-be pity girl or to have someone tell me, "your story is no different then someone else's life" because remember we can never say, "I know just how you feel" because in reality, we don't how the other person's life began, or the middle, or the end of their story. We dont know how it got started or why, we don't understand how one can take such a strong beautiful woman to then becoming like a cookies that crumbles leaving strewn out crumbs no matter where they walk or what they do, the crumbled cookie just follows them.

I think the most valuable blogging I will ever do is the one about my oldest daughter Savanna. One will never learn about their own strengths, their own vitality to life, what they possess as a person, or how strong one can really be when their life that once seemed filled with such possibilities is now filled with the raging fire breathing dragon of what lives within the one before us.