Thursday, November 3, 2016

How L-O-V-E Evolves




I am a true believer of L-O-V-E yes, I am the sappy individual that curls up on a couch with my box of Kleenex in tow, my blanky, and remote in hand so I can fast forward the movies I have recorded on my DVR. I HATE commercials so when I learned what a DVR can do, I was IN!

My most beloved romantic movies are "Hope Floats, Sleepless in Seattle, Pretty Woman, The Notebook" just to name a few. I refuse to delete them from my list of saved movies and enjoy going back to them over and over.

I ironic thing about Hope Floats as well as Sleepless in Seattle is infidelity in both those movies. Something I am VERY familiar with. I was always told by my mom and dad who by the way have been married for sixty one years;

"When you decide or choose to be with the one person you find, you always remain loyal, you always remain dedicated to just that ONE person and for God's sake, don't screw around. You want to go out and screw the world, then for Pete's sake, break up with them because I didn't raise you to be a slut" 

"SIXTY ONE YEARS!" can you imagine waking up to the same face day in, day out, for sixty one years! Many have told me that "marriage is the spice of life" well if that has to do with the same spices as in the baking isle, those have expiration dates on them!

I can hear it now, "my marriage is similar to the "Italian Spice" its filled with mystery, hot Italian love filled with robust warmth and passion." Then there is the spice "Dill" it smells good, and when you bite into it, it gives that mystery taste, but once you know what it is, the taste is gone.

When you feel like the spice is going out of your marriage does that mean its getting ready to expire? Does the woman or the man run to the nearest grocery store sprinting to the baking isle to choose more spices?

I am the worst when it comes to choosing and picking men. If there was a drug addict, drunk, homeless man within ten blocks from me, I would run to him wanting to open my heart, take him home give him a hot shower followed by a sharp razor and clean him up and call him my own.

Yet, if there was a successful man that was financially stable, had a great home, fancy cars, and was so attracted to me I would walk right past him not even giving him a second glance. If Mr. Right was the ONLY man in the room, and I mean the ONLY MAN in the room I would have the uncanny knack of seeing right through him as if he isn't even there.

I truly believe when God was pairing out couples and who they would be with, I must of been on vacation, or holding the door open while the other millions flooded through the doors to meet their mate for life.

Let's see, five marriages, five divorces, three of them a walk in the park and two of them absolute nightmares. Countless boyfriends, zero one night stands, no I take that back, I actually had three during my lifetime. I once heard, "men go to bed to have sex and women go to bed to fall in love" I keep wondering if that is true?

One of my marriages was actually a basketball bet. No lie! the rules were, if my team and I don't even remember the team, if mine won, we get married, if his wins, we don't get married.

I once totaled up my five marriages and it doesn't even consist of one total year of marriage. The longest I have ever been married out of the total five marriages was three months. All five marriages consisted of infidelity on all the men's part.

The biggest and worst marriage was on the day of our wedding, he was two hours late because he got some chick pregnant and she decided to go into labor on the day of my wedding. So, to be that devoted loathing repulsive man that he turned out to be, he stayed by her side while she gave birth to the child that he bore with her while cheating on me.

After about three failed marriages I decided to turn to the internet. I joined countless dating websites and quickly learned no, lighting bolt fast learned, the men in the pictures are really not who they seem to be. But then, I have heard men say that women do not seem to be the same in their pictures either. So, its a two way street least.

 If there was an awards ceremony for the worst and best picker, I would get a standing ovation while accepting my statue draped in gold with the words "BROKEN PICKER" in huge letters for the entire world to see. Internet dating proved to be a total joke. I actually had a man get a hold of me through email. We chatted for a few weeks then both of us let our guards down and gave out our phone numbers. This one guy didn't wait for thirty minutes before he called me.

We had an instant connection, we had great conversation, we laughed at the same things, we felt sorrow for the same things and suddenly I was beginning to feel my broken picker was going into hibernation. And then there it was my "Broken Picker" dancing before me uttering the ugly word, "Ha, Ha, jokes on you..PSYCH!"

I hear this woman screaming at this man to come take the trash out to get off the phone and fold his laundry. I of course immediately ask who that was and he what does he tell, "my mom" ah, okay. So, he lives with his mom I mean is that a deal breaker that a  man in his fifties lives with his mom?" Maybe she moved into his house because she has medical needs, she lost her home in a fire, a great flood came and with one gigantic swoosh, she lost her home.

Nope. it was her home. He was unemployed and living in a reconfigured basement, he had no money and no job and then too boot, when he asked to meet for coffee, he wanted me to pick him up at the bus stop. I could feel my sarcastic blade like tongue waving about and then it spewed out, "so, since your living at home with mommy. and your unemployed with no car, just who in the hell do you think is going to pay for coffee? Because its not going to be my fat ass that's for sure."

I of course hung up, blocked his number and disconnected my dating profile. I finally made my White Flag and took my ground on top of high hill just waving my flag. I was done. I was through with the multiple men telling me they were on disability, unemployed, seeking another notch in their belt, broke, and just dead ends.

But there is one man, one single man who changed my life forever. He is the man that taught me to hate, he is the man that taught me to fight, he is the man that turned my life upside down but two things came out of it.

His name is Rick

And in one single breath, my life had changed forever.