Lately I have given much thought to the word "Companionship" and just what it really means not to just me, but to the countless others in the world seeking such a strong word.
Companionship can come in many forms and ideas. When two people get married typically a man and woman, do they do it to procreate the world as the bible tells us to do or, do they do it fill the void that they are searching for while seeking companionship?
Seeking out such a term and definition is not a beneficial behavior, it is actually part of our DNA and what we always seek out to find. Why is it, when we struggle with finding what should be a natural part of our what our minds tells us we need, we struggle to find such compatible match to our needs?
Elephants, one of the smartest mammals filled with a memory I only wish I had during my real estate exams, have a more defined and well rounded understanding of what companionship means. They are loyal to each other and their calves, they remain a close nit family filled with love for each other a bond so tight nothing will ever come in between them. Do elephants have a true understanding of the term companionship, do they understand the definition and meaning behind it? If humans could be similar to elephants would that solve our mystery of why we need such a thing in our lives?
As for the people that have followed my blog and left their thoughts, love, and understandings to my many post, almost all of you know that I have a daughter that suffers from panic attacks so severe that it is almost crippling for her. It suffocates her to the point of depending on me for security, truth, and leadership in her everyday life. She fears the outside world, she fears striking up a simple conversation with mere strangers, she fears having to face another human being engaging in a simple everyday task.
A great example is when we were at the gas station I asked her to do a simple task, go inside and tell the man behind the counter, "twenty dollars on four please" a statement so simple and yet it clinches her throat as if strangulation take place clasping her throat disallowing her to even breath.
We have been instructed by her therapist to seek out a service dog, or better known as a "companion" for her. I of course thought that only avails the need for something that I am desperately trying to have her overcome and learn to conquer and destroy her fears. Finally, after thoughts and deep thinking, I finally allowed this to happen.
We have searched high and low for a dog, we have ravished the humane societies, Craigslist, adoption clinics, I have posted stories on Facebook, I have begged pleaded, and still to no avail, no dog has entered our hearts.
Sure, we have seen dogs at the humane society and yet there is no direct link of both my daughter and the dog. I was becoming so unfamiliar to the companionship that she is needing. The dogs within the humane society pay no attention to her they do not seek her out they do not come near her, they just run and jump from feeling the moments of freedom.
A true companion dog comes with a hefty price and as a single mother who struggles each and every day in this world, well I do not have the liberty to reach into my pocketbook and pull out $500 - $1,000 dollars for the help my daughter so desperately needs. Her state health care could careless about the doctors request and I have even written to the state desperate for help in some form of payment but, when you have a "state health care system" we are just as vulnerable as the wounded vets or elderly vets seeking out health care yet the government shows no signs of helping or caring.
About nine months ago we came across a loving caring woman who breeds and raises German Shepard's a dog my daughter only dreams of owning. She informed us that she personally knows a woman in Idaho that breeds and sells Golden Retriever's dogs that will sell without a thought to someone that wishes to purchase one of her pups, $4,000 - $7,000 dollars. This woman heard my daughter's story and wished to donate one of her pups to her. We were elated, we were feeling blessed, we couldn't wait for the one of many mamas she had to birth her pups. We were told that we would get one of the recent litters that would be coming within weeks actually within 3 weeks.
We purchased books about Golden Retrievers' Sela read that book from front to back. She informed me of their needs, their personality, their devotion to their owner, how they crave companionship, and how smart they are. Weeks into awaiting for the pups to be born, this generous woman sends my daughter Sela a text message of one of her mama's with her recent new pups.
Sela came bounding downstairs with a smile on her face something I have not seen in many months. She was out of breath with excitement sharing the pictures of the 13 pups born. They were beautiful and adorable. We quickly responded on which pup will be ours and then the bridge came tumbling down.
"Oh none of these are your pups, these are already spoken for. I have decided to wait another year before donating one of my pups. My waiting list is just to long right now."
Sela caved in like Jenga the game. With each word this woman sent my daughter on her phone it was as if she began pulling out the square blocks without a care to my daughter's heart and as she read this horrible text message, tears began to fall, the pain filled her heart and she began to shake violently all over from the uncaring words which struck her like an 18 wheeler hitting her head on.
Then we found a puppy, a puppy from Craigslist a puppy that is supposed to be German Shepard, a woman who is a perfect stranger who is flipping dogs on Craigslist to provide money for her drug habit. Once we got the puppy home, Sela went into full panic attack mode, she was unsure what to do with a puppy, the attention, the hyper active puppy, the pooping, the peeing all over the house, our cats freaking out, she just crumbled like the delicious treat of blue cheese used in our salads!
Finally out of desperation I found a page on Facebook, "NW Animal Adoption Clinic" I once again posted my story of my daughter why she suffers from panic attacks, her fears, her pain and low and behold there was 59 comments. Out of all the pictures of the animals there up for adoption from agencies, families, singles, there was one dog, "Scout" a German Shepard dog. I felt it was a perfect fit, the dog was young enough to be trained and I felt it was perfect for Sela.
I sent in my story of my daughter and waited for five days and no response. Then finally on the six day that morning I heard it, that "DING" from a message on my phone. It was Tina Hays, a woman from Yakima Washington an almost 4 hour distance from me. We talked on messenger for almost two hours. Then she finally told me, "I believe Scout would be a perfect fit." she even had her son come over to see my house, inspect it and I was more then willing to let this happen, I was desperately trying to find a dog for my daughter, a promise I made to her and I was going to follow through.
The one of many questions I asked during our conversation is:
- How old is Scout
- Is she full breed GSD
- Does she have any aggression issues
- How is she when eating, will she growl when being fed
- How is she playing with toys
- Is she trainable
- How is she around cats
- Does she attack
- Does she play well with other dogs
And Tina's response to my questions....
- Scout is 6 months old
- Yes she is full bred GSD
- She has ZERO AGRESSION ISSUES she is in fact very loving and playful
- She has ZERO AGRESSION when feeding you can even reach down and take her bowl while eating
- She loves her toys she loves playing with her toys
- Yes she is very trainable and would make a WONDERFUL COMPANION DOG for your daughter
- I can GUARANTEE YOU SHE WILL NOT HURT THE CATS
- She does NOT ATTACK she is gentle and loving
- She loves playing with other dogs, she craves the dog parks
When they arrived, Scout was in the back of the truck in a kennel, we greeted her and she wagged her tail, Sela lite up like the Macy's Day Christmas Parade, the smile was real the love was instant. When Scout was removed from her traveling kennel she instantly growled a growl that would make anyone fear her. Her hair went up, and she began to bark and bark. She smelled the other dogs in the neighborhood and it was a fighting bark.
The elderly lady quickly told us, "Well she will make a great guard dog" this is what I feared the most, a German Shepard that would become a guard dog instead of a companion dog for my daughter. Scout continued to growl, bark, and her hair on ends. She circled over and over wanting to get lose, she wanted to run, she wanted to ATTACK the smells from the other dogs.
We brought her into the house and once in the house she did the same thing, she growled and barked and circled from the sell of our beloved cats and Sela desperately tried to take control of the dog. She was trying to be calming and soothing to Scout yet Scout would not hear of it. We had her on her leash thank God because when she say my cat, she lunged and attacked. So much for the GUARANTEE SHE WILL NOT ATTACK MY CATS!
I looked at the older lady standing there without a care in the world how she was behaving, she wanted to drop of Scout and hit the road. Yet, I stopped her and demanded to take this dog out of my house, I demanded she never come back. I grabbed my phone and demanded for Tina to call me yet my phone never rang. She just continued to talk to me on my phone through messenger.
"You LIED Tina, she attacked my cats and what does she say then..."Well she has never been around cats before." When she came out of the kennel Tina she growled a growl that would make anyone fear her, she is aggressive, she is horrible, she is mean. Once I demanded for this dog to be removed, Sela was crushed, she crumbled once again, she fell to the floor and shook violently, she trembled then screamed out in pain.
I grabbed her and she pushed me away yelling for me to stop and leave her alone. My heart broke to see my daughter in such pain. My first reaction was to go outside and kick this ladies ass in but it wasn't her fault, she was just delivering Scout. No, it was Tina I was after. I still continued in my conversation about how she killed any hope for my daughter, the lied, the betrayal, the need to get rid of this dog, and then I blocked her from any form of communication.
Now, we sit and suffer in silence as I watch my daughter tell me, "I'm fine, I'm okay" when I know she is not. She is suffering once again and having more setbacks and fears even more.
Oh how I wish someone would give me a Golden Retriever to help my daughter and not request money this is such a desperate need for my daughter, a desperate mother just trying to help a sick daughter.