Thursday, July 27, 2017

Do Other Bloggers Admit Wrong?

People say that when you admit your own wrong doing it builds your character and it creates strength in you as a person. Does it really or is it a way of just taking the blame in a classy way?

Eating crow was something I heard about as a young child. I remember thinking as a young child trying to picture someone eat a crow. I had envisioned a great King tearing apart the roasted bird sitting upon his thrown with food hanging from his mouth, his face full an ugly. His personality was the least to be desired and his fair maidens by his side waiting on every word he bellowed screaming his orders.

Then I had envisioned a women sitting in the corner with a baked pie hot and steamy similar to an apple pie. Her white cap upon her head with long blonde hair in thick braids along with a blue dress and white apron sporting wooden shoes and when she cracked open the warm pie a black crow would come flying out.

I learned much later in life exactly just what eating crow really was. It was admitting to your mistakes and trying to still gain some sort of self awareness of one's wrong doing. Taking the blame if you will for your own wrong doing. In today's world filled with such cynical people there are in fact people who are more worried about their outside appearance fearful of what others absolute perfect strangers think of you.

I came on here barking and growling about how Heather at work blamed me for doing WIC checks without her. How she was so eager to blame me to management of my wrong doing. I then barked and growled at management that I would not be the deciding factor on my store losing their WIC ability which would cost the store thousands in lost revenue and customers to boot.

Monday July 24th there was a new cashier and Heather of course was working and as she stood before the new cashier and myself just inches away, Heather brandished a WIC check that had been used. I immediately recognized the handwriting and realized it was MINE!

Well, here comes the CROW!!

So we already had two violations...two other cashiers as you all know let two things be substituted which cost the store money and those fines are NOT cheap! Stuart made such a huge issue on if we get one more then we lose our WIC...blah blah blah you all know who are following this.

Well, the WIC check Heather was showing to the new cashier was NOT signed by the person using the WIC and if WIC saw that it would of been OVER! WIC would of been gone.

So here I am screaming at my SENIOR boss how I would never be the deciding factor on my store to lose WIC when in fact it was ME that would have been the deciding factor of losing WIC I barked at my boss, my second boss in command and then the SENIOR boss how I would never let that happen and yet, if they never would have caught that, it would have gone through and it would be done and it would end up BAD!!

How do I recover from the shame of me acting like a total nut job? I am so ashamed of myself I have completely embarrassed myself and now I just cant face going back to the store. I would rather lose my job then face them and admit how wrong I was.

Now I have to eat crow and admit shame and admit my embarrassment to not only my two BIG bosses but to Heather as well.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Just No Going Back

My father always told me, "if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything at all" sometimes I often wondered if he ever lived by those rules? He at some time or another he could be brutal with his words and well, we all know that words can be so hurtful and so damaging.

There are the people in the world that say, "words are just words yet, its your actions that speak volumes about you." Then you have people that will tell you, "your chosen words can take down an elephant without the hunters gun."

I blogged a few blogs ago about this girl at work that went and told everyone that I did a WIC check without her. Well little did I ever expect it to snowball like it did. That snowball just grew and grew to the point that if it came rolling down a hillside it would take out an entire town, the people within the town, and anything else in its way. It would leave behind devastation and death when looking back at the damage it claimed.

Who to trust at work?

I am a firm believer that the team of people at any job should be your support system. From the everyday job that we all do to the team leaders, supervisors, assistant managers, managers and even general managers and even higher.

Any job there should be a support system that any person should be able to go to in hopes that they will be supported when any action or situation ever takes place. They should have your back, they should trust in you when you give 110% of yourself. They should see your self-worth and what you put into the company. It should be dully noted the efforts one gives to their job and their place within the job.

Praise should be given and often shared from the person who is giving 110% and shared among other managers because mentally when that is done then that person feel appreciated, they have a sense of great self-worth, they can carry their head high rightfully knowing that all their efforts that they have put into their job is all worth while.

Trusting the Assistant Manager

After the tidal wave of accusations from HER at work, I was trying to find my supervisor Justin yet, our schedules were always conflicting. I did talk to Angie my assistant store manager of what happened and boy was I pissed that they were accusing me of doing something I never did. So to recap on what happened in short....

The store I work at has been dinged by the state for substituting certain baby foods and or items on WIC checks and when that happens any store that supports WIC will be dinged a huge amount of money and it will be noted of the wrong doing. Not only did this happen once, it happened TWICE!

So the new rule is when a cashier gets any WIC checks we must have a manager present when completing any WIC checks at our cash register. It is to be there to ensure that what is on the WIC check is actually purchased the proper way and there are no misfortunes or accidents.


Lady comes through with WIC checks, I call over Heather, Heather treats me like crap telling me I am doing the WIC checks wrong then embarrassing me in front of other guest telling me to get off my check stand she will finish up the FOUR WIC checks. Heather goes and tells managers I did 4 WIC checks without her approval.

Angie the store manager pulls me aside and begins chewing me out for something I never did. I tell her it never happened that way, I tell her in a very apologetic tone that she was in fact wrong and yet what does she do she tells me, "I have to believe what Heather says"

I felt violated, I felt that no matter what I said it just didn't matter. Angie even informed that I might be written up for being so careless. I then informed her I would not sign a piece of paper accusing me of doing something I didn't do. That of course set the tone of a fight.

I trusted Angie to have my back, I trusted her that she would believe me, I trusted that she would want to believe me. Then it dawned on me I might as well be talking to the wall. No matter how many times I stood before her with a soft tone then turning into tears of being accused of something I never did, it just didn't matter to her. All she could see is what she thinks I did.

Trusting Senior Store Director

Stuart has always been a good friend to me. He is an awesome store director and he works very hard at keeping our store in good shape. We have shared some person things and some not so personal things. We have had great conversations and a wonder relationship in work and out of work. So on the day I saw him I told him I needed to talk to him.

This is where I put all my trust into him, I trusted he would have my back, I trusted he would believe in me, I trusted way to much. Once I shared with him exactly what really happened and how I felt violated, abused by Heathers accusations, the lies, the betrayal, I was desperate for redemption and to gain back my dedication to the company I have put into.

I have worked late when they ask
I have worked for many other team members when they couldn't
I have taken my time away from my daughter to help out the store
I have worked in other departments putting it back in shape when it was a total mess
I have done, and done and done above and beyond the duty of my job title

So when I went to Stuart to seek out my redemption and to have him be on my side, what he did just crushed me.

I told him I am not going to be the deciding factor if this store loses WIC which would mean $35,000 a year of loss revenue along with customers not shopping there any longer who have WIC. Stuart appreciated that and continued to listen.

Once I shared what REALLY happened and then asked him directly, "who do you believe?" he looks at me and tells me....

"I'm sorry, but I have to believe Heather she is a front end supervisor and I have to have her back first not yours" 

I have never felt so violated in my life, I just sat there shocked and dismayed at his words. I told him to watch the cameras and he then tells me, "I don't need to I have to believe Heather" he took any self dignity I had and just completely shit on it.

I felt as though Stuart tossed me into the wolf pack then shouting at me to fight my way out but I probably wouldn't survive. There was a complete defamation of character on his part when it came to me.

All that trust, those long talks we shared about his wife, his kids, the store, other employees, just went out the window. I just sat there stunned, shocked, and my heart just shattered. I got up and stormed out his office before I begged him one more time to watch the cameras over and over and right then and there he just said NO he wouldn't.

I stopped in the door way and asked him, "If Heather came to you and told you I stole $200 from the till and I told you no that was a lie, who would you believe me or Heather?" He just sat in his chair and not sure what to say I waited with great anticipation but then he said..."I would believe Heather" 

I don't know why Heather has it in for me I never ever did anything wrong to her, I never went against what she said, I never caused her any grief or hardship. If she told me I was to clean out the cash registers I would do it and when done you would be able to lick those registers with your tongue.

I go and give 110% of myself to this company, I put in a years worth of over time, extra shifts, breaking my back and time away from my daughter to be treated like this!!

Sometimes there is just no going back from being accused of something that you didn't do.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Is it really good for the soul?

If you were to walk up to a perfect stranger and ask them, "is rejection really good for the soul?" what answer do you think you would get?

Out of one's own life can you think of how many times you have been rejected? And this rejection can be just about anything. Do you remember how many times you rehearsed over and over in your bathroom mirror and the bathroom at your work practicing what you would say searching for the right sentence, searching for what this company means to you, how you dedicate your life to this very company when wanting to ask your boss for that raise only to be rejected?

And the worst part of that is when you walk away and for some reason you take that painful glance back at them sitting behind their desk then shaking their head in shock and awe that you would even have the audacity to ask such a ridiculous question.

When it comes to dating how many times have you asked out someone and they shoot you down like the hunter that sits in the woods and sees his pray flying across the sky and without a thought or worry in his head he takes his mighty gun in hand, he aims, and then fires killing the bird in motion dropping it to the ground then letting out a shrill of victory.

I have been rejected in many ways and so many would tell me, "it bring character to ones heart, ones soul" of course they say that, its not happening to them right? Does rejection really make you stronger in your mind and what one can withstand when it comes to the pain we feel?

At Work

The one thing I do very seriously is my job. It provides me a paycheck I can bring home for me and my daughter. It provides us with our basic common needs for each and every day. It may not be thousands of dollars, but its far better then sitting on the couch licking my wounds wondering whatever happened to my life and living off the system such as food stamps and cash-aid.

While I work for one of the biggest retailers as a cashier, we accept WIC (women with infant and children) which is very particular of what the person who has WIC can purchase. There are countless times the person using WIC will try to throw in something that is not a WIC product then telling the cashier, "it's okay, I do it all the time" and of course that is not true.

For example; if one using WIC is only allowed to baby fruits and vegetables, they will try to throw in a baby food with MEATS and vegetables which it's not allowed!

Well some cashiers not familiar with WIC and what is accepted and not accepted has gotten us in terrible trouble with the state. This has happened twice and now we are being watched very carefully and if we lose WIC it will cut our sales by 75,000 dollars a year, and countless people who will no longer shop there.

The management has now told the assistant managers no matter who it is, how experienced we are on WIC they must be present when we ring up any WIC. I had a customer come through with WIC products and as usual the woman using WIC was trying to get in more baby food and items then what is allowed.

The steps:
1. I turned on my light for management to come help me
2. I checked the drivers license against the WIC check and marked the box with the name (which is the first thing you do)
3. SHE showed up and told me I was doing it all wrong and kicked me off my register, she embarrassed me in front of many other guest which made me so mad
4. SHE told me to go to another register and take other guest
5. SHE stayed at my register for 18.5 minutes finishing up the WIC from the guest


I got yelled at by management, I told them it wasn't true, I told them she was lying and I was beyond pissed. Because she did that it took any credibility I had as a person working there, my dedication to the company, my truth, and SHE just trashed it.

They of course believed her. I was crying I was so upset, I was hurt, I felt rejected by my own management team. It was as if all the 110% I give of myself into this company was kicked to the curb. I told them to check the cameras and they didn't bother to, and why? because they believed her over me.

I tried to defend myself yet no matter how many times I told them to check the cameras it was as if what I said just didn't matter.

My mom always says, "there is always one bitch in the group where you work. It doesn't matter how many times you try to get along with her, she just won't bend or try to be kind to anyone." Well this WOMAN is just that. She has had it in for me since I walked in to this store almost a year ago.

I stay late if they ask, I work extra days if they ask, I do whatever they need in order to make sure that front area of the store is presentable and every guest is taken care of in a positive manner. If they ask me to go and do additional work, it's done and without a question why me?

My work and dedication should be noted and it's not, my time spent there should be noted and it's not. When I went before my store director, my assistant manager, my lead manager of my department telling them I feel as if there is this ceiling over me and I need more they never once mentioned to me to go online and seek out different positions within the company and I have been saying this for months now.

I fought back to keep my self respect and when I challenged them on "who would you believe?" and they made it very clear they would believe HER over me, just took any self respect I had, any dignity that I had and tossed it out like the garbage that gathers each and every day in front of the store.

So, until I find employment elsewhere, I am no longer giving, I am not longer as dedicated to the store, I am no longer going to come in early work late, or give 110% of myself any longer. Nope! I am only going to give back what they give me.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

All Roads Lead to A Dead End

There are many people that will stay and fight the fight. I am the one person that has always told my girls, "every single day is a fight or survival, you must fight the fight every single day. Some day's will be better than others, but when the fight gets tough, you fight the fight to show you have strength, to show you care about you, to show you can survive."

On one side of the coin one must fight the fight but often more times then others, we must know when to walk away licking our wounds and claim it as either a learning curve or a loss. I have tried to teach my girls that when you fight the fight, it is okay to walk away rightfully knowing that you gave it your all, you dodged the punches, you did your fancy feet dancing to avoid getting punched, yet there was always that one punch that just laid you out.

Ever since I started Wedding Dress Wishes, I have been exhaustedly trying to get this off the ground. I have taken the jabs, I have taken the betrayal, I have taken the sleepless nights wondering how other companies got started on getting wedding dresses donated and have become successful.

I truly thought with my 29 years experience as a wedding planner often recognized as a "Project Manager" my talents of finding the perfect wedding dress for a bride, finding that perfect venue for the couple, dealing with contracts and negotiations from other vendors, taking a blank canvas within a wedding hall and then turning it into a real show stopper often with mouths dropping at the beauty I along with my team have created, I could start a company called Wedding Dress Wishes.

Since I started this, I have contacted numerous companies sharing my vision which then comes back as me being "admirable" to be exact, I have contacted over 500 companies and all five hundred companies wanted to shake my hands on what I was doing yet, when it came to them donating a wedding dress, they looked at me as if I just escaped the looney bin and I am holding them hostage with a gun.

How can companies tell me that I am doing something great for my community yet they turn a blind eye to helping me? How can people want to shake my hands or give me a hug for wanting to help families who do not have the funds or the means to buy their own daughter a wedding dress?

How can people tell me that parting with percentage of my proceeds which is then given to Children's Miracle Network located in Oregon, is a true blessing yet, when I ask them to donate a wedding dress to sell at a minimal cost, they turn their back to me and walk away?

When someone is taking a beating, a true relentless beating from countless strangers there just comes a time when one must get up, wave their white flag, and tell them fine, I am willing to lose out.

It just breaks my heart that this is what it is. I am so sick and tired of being told how great a person I am for doing what I am doing yet, when they show their true colors and they turn a blind eye to me, I know they do not have a true heart within them.

I know what it feels like to want something so bad, something that would make or brake me and yet, I never had the money, I know how my self-esteem took a hit, or when I had to tell my daughters that I couldn't afford to buy them those shoes they wanted so badly.

I guess I am the only one that saw the true vision here.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

We live in a such a cynical world don't we?

When I was watching my most favorite movie "Jerry Maguire" (Tom Cruise and Rene Zellwegger) and that famous saying..."we live in a cynical world" really hits home with me.

We do live in a cynical world filled with cynical people were once upon a time the world cared for each other, we cared for our neighbors, we cared for the strangers that passed us in the streets, yet when the evil of others standing on the sidelines ready to take advantage of us and hurt our hearts, it then brought up the walls and before you knew it what we trusted at one time is now no longer alive. It actually made us fear the many people around us wondering just who to trust ever again.  

California Weddings! 

When I lived in California, there were many if not millions of people capable of paying for lavish weddings. After all, that is all I did, lavish and expensive weddings where dropping $250,000 for a wedding was considered an AVERAGE wedding. Sadly I met families that often dipped into their daughter's college fund to pay for her wedding because whatever she wanted, well, she got! 

I then met families that would mortgage their homes and take the collateral and use it towards their daughter's wedding or they took out a person loan from their local bank. I recall very vividly my last wedding I ever did in California. I was contacted by a bride and she was relentlessly bragging about her budget for her wedding. 

She had 4 flower girls ranging in age of 4 years old to two years old and their dresses alone cost $500 dollars EACH!. She had six bride's maids and their dresses cost $800 each. The bride along with her bridal party, the photographer, family, and whoever was to attend, got ready at the Four Season's in Newport Beach, CA. Total cost for room rental of four rooms, $465 per room total $1,860 for a total of three hours. 

Her night before the honeymoon a night at the Ritz in Newport Beach along the shores of the waters adjacent to Balboa Island a hotspot for tourist and families that lived on the island. The bride wore a simple wedding dress, a dress I would not call fashion forward in the bridal attire. It was plain, there was no rhinestones, there was no lace or appliques, nothing. However it was filled with much crinoline under her dress which cost $10,000 

She was Middle Eastern and the groom Jewish so they wanted to incorporate both lifestyles into their wedding. The groom's family provided the Kipa or for a better understanding, Yarmulke. It was all leather and with 24kt gold on each cap along with the bride and groom name and the date of their wedding. 

The guest total was 430 in which only 150 did not respond. The bride and groom provided gifts for each 430 guest prior to responding costing a total of $5,340 dollars a small crystal frame adorned in gold embossing as well. 

Their food total, $22,121 which was of course steak, lobster and followed with Caviar and crackers flown in straight from Jerusalem, The flower girls of course had their own live-in nanny and all the nanny's came and cared for the little girls that were being completely disobedient and I was the one chosen to discipline the girls.

The father of the bride came to me and handed me his checkbook with his signature and told me, "whatever is not covered with her $500,000 dollar budget, just write a check for it and make sure it happens! Yep, that was right, $500,000 dollar budget!

The honeymoon...consisted a trip around the world hitting all the hotspots such as Europe, Japan, Rome, Italy, and so on and so on. Total cost for honeymoon, $27,891

Yep, there were many weddings very similar in budget and size that I conducted from beginning to end and yes, I made a pretty penny. 

Vancouver Washington

Now, on the flip side of weddings in a small rural town, it is a completely different story. I was done with weddings and told myself I would never do another wedding ever again. I was through with the drama of the bride's I was done with the nagging mother's, I was done with the mother's trying to force the bride to do what SHE WANTED and me playing referee. 

I had become friends to my new neighbors when I moved here in 2008 rather quickly one being Jan a woman who was living with her boyfriend yet refused to marry him. She Jan, invited me to attend a high tea afternoon at her church insisting that I attend. The day we went I was greeted by a lady who shared she heard through Jan that I had conducted weddings back in California and she asked if I would consider doing her daughter's wedding. 

Reluctantly, I agreed. I was used to the high end weddings, the budget, the lifestyle, the everything when it came to doing weddings. But if one were to tour through Vancouver Washington, you will find beaten down trucks and cars, countless rednecks, poverty stricken families living on welfare and food stamps, and let's not forget the many homeless people standing on the freeway exits/entrances begging for money.

There were and still are many men and women and their children living under freeway underpasses or living within the tall grasses or their cars due to losing their homes. Being an alcoholic or drug addict is very normal within this city. The drug of choice is Meth and meth labs are in abundance often exploding from cooking the meth causing tragic events to take place.

More than 49% of the people where I live are on food stamps or WIC or some form of state help. These are not rich people. These are people that will never see the world, they work two or three jobs just to make a house payment or their rent. These are people that do not have the luxury to go out and purchase a dress from Macy's or JCPenny's or Sears.

As I began planning this girls wedding I asked the mother and father of the bride what their budget was. I was told it was $12,000 . I guess the look on my face must of been shocked because the mother of the bride asked me, "is that to much oh please don't tell me we need more. We just do not have the funds for her dream wedding." 

All I kept thinking was how to pull of a wedding for $12,000 dollars? The grooms family actually paid for the venue. My fee alone well, let's just say I lost a bucket full of money on this wedding. I normally charged 25% of the budget and upon doing the math, this family had no means to add $3,000 to the top of their already suffocating budget. How was I supposed to get paid? 

I asked the mother if the bride already had her food of choice, her dress, the invitations handled, music, and all other bells and whistles that follow in a wedding. The food was to be done by the venue for almost nothing because the bride worked there, her dress, was something from a thrift store and the invitations were printed from the home printer of the mother of the bride. They were a complete mess. Nothing was lined up, they were misspelled, crooked, and the snowball began. 

Wedding Dress Wishes

Since I started this venture of getting donations the cynical world has shown it true colors. People are selfish and unkind and they give that look, you all know what look that is..."what's in it for me" look. When I ask many now married women to please donate her wedding dress to my organization she looks at me as if I am asking her to have sex with Satan and then give birth to Devil Junior! 

I hear over and over, "no I would rather sell it" okay you do that but take a good look at yourself when you say that. Go on Craigslist and list your dress, it will sit and sit and sit because there are countless wedding dresses already on that list that have already "relisted" over and over because why? IT'S NOT GOING TO SELL

Go on eBay and try to sell your dress better yet, look up wedding dresses and you will find page after page after page of wedding dresses and you think you have the dress to end all dresses, well YA DON'T! 

What about the dress that is just hanging around and taking up space in your closet? Are you really ever going to wear it again? Do you think 30-40 years down the road your daughter is going to want to wear your dress..NO! 


Let's go shopping. Remember those jeans you just "had to have" or that shirt, how about those shoes, and let's not forget that purse. What about the pictures on your walls, or the couch that cost well over $1,000 dollars. If one were to add up the dollars they spent out of the whole year on clothing for themselves alone what do you think that would total? 

And, when you get bored with those clothes and you want to "clean out" your closet and you toss in that 30 gallon trash bag those "jeans you had to have" and that purse and the tops, and where do they go? To a thrift store! 

So one can spend thousands of dollars on clothes, toss them into a bag and drop them off at a thrift store to help others (which many seek tax relief because they think they are doing a good deed) did all those clothes you purchased throughout the year, was that more than your wedding dress? You know the dress that is hanging in your closet taking up space? 

Yet, you won't donate it to help someone in need? 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Wedding Dress Wishes Oxy Moron Or Not?

I work a simple job. It is a job that I give 110% of myself each and every time I go to work. Do I ever dread going to work? Sure, doesn't everyone? As the days come and go I stand behind a cash register scanning everyone's purchases where I see all kinds of people. Some will have a friend or family with them and while I continue scanning I hear their stories of how their lives are. I try to not engage in their conversation because I often wonder if what they are talking about is personal or not.

I love giving back to people and I love helping people all kinds of people. That is one thing I do best. Some people will be short $.50 cents and I do not worry if my till is short or not, I just ring up their purchase and let them be on their way. Some are shameful of not having enough and as always, I see the people standing behind them rolling their eyes in disgust that they may have to wait longer for me to ring up their purchases if someone is short in money.

I of course just shoot them a look and wonder if they have ever struggled or why they can be so heartless to another human being? Just the other day a young girl came through my line with her purchase that consisted of paper plates, plastic cups, plastic silverware, and generic napkins. For some reason her face was sad, it was one that was so noticeable and as I continued to scan her purchases it seemed as if she was ready to drop a tear.

I of course couldn't stand it anymore and I asked her if she was alright. She just nodded a jerky nod as I continued to ring up her items. Her boyfriend came lunging to the line tossing a paper mache bell that one opens and clips together. It was in the form of a wedding bell. I of course looked up and struck up a conversation with her.

"Oh wow, are you or someone you know are they getting married?" she turned her head in shame and told me that it was she who was getting married. I always thought when one got married they would be filled with joy, they would be beaming of happiness for the whole world to see. Yet, not her. No, she was so sad and I asked her why she was so upset.

She told me she is not getting the wedding of her dreams. Oh sure, loves the guy but she wants a fancy wedding, she wants to march down the isle in her dream wedding dress to take the man that she loves more than life itself to say her "I Do's" but that dream has passed.

I started Wedding Dress Wishes for the sole purpose to give back, to help so many brides in the situation as this couple standing in my line. She had no wedding dress to wear on the day of her wedding. She was getting married in jeans and a T-Shirt.

Every single bride, no matter who you are will always remember what she wore on the day of her wedding. I could tell that this girl would never ever have the dress of her dreams let alone the means to ever buy a wedding dress.

That is where Wedding Dress Wishes comes into play. Wedding Dress Wishes wants to take those dresses that are stunning, that are beautiful and turn a financially challenged bride into her own Cinderella. Why is it, the brides who can afford to be their own "Cinderella" they just can't seem to see financially challenged brides who dream of being Cinderella also?

My Dream Is Now Coming To An End

I have spend the majority of my career planning weddings. From lavish crazy weddings with outrageous budgets to simple backyard weddings that are still elegant yet they are just simple weddings. I have spent close to 30 years dressing brides, helping brides find that dress, picking up dresses from alterations, taking dresses into be cleaned, boxed and preserved and once that newly married bride takes her dress after I do all the running around, where does it go?

I'll tell ya where it goes! Right into the closet or the basement, or mom's house, or under the bed, and it will sit and sit and sit again. You will not touch it, you will not play dress up, you can wish and wish over and over that if you have a little girl that she too will wear the very dress you did on one of the most important days of your life.

If I had a dollar for every single time I told a mother watching her daughter prepare for her wedding, "repeat after me, this is YOUR daughter's wedding, not YOUR wedding" I could live in Trump Towers!

Every single mother who has a daughter getting married, they always pull out their wedding dress and show it off to their daughter then asking them, "it would be wonderful if you could wear my dress, it brought me so much joy, I want you to have the same joy as I did on the day I got married" and as I stood before the bride whos wedding I was planning watching her mouth drop and then quickly turning to me in absolute horror because her vision of her own dress is nothing like her mom's yet she doesn't want to hurt her mom, stumbles for the right words to say. So, just what do I say to the mom?

"I'm sorry, but I thought it was your husband that brought you so much joy on the day you got married. Did you marry your wedding dress or did you marry the man you loved so much?" 

Out of the 30 years of me doing weddings, I have NEVER seen a bride walk down the isle in her mom's wedding dress. Oh sure, I have seen brides sew in a portion of their mom's wedding dress into their dress or I have seen brides take their mom's wedding dress and cut it up and wrap a portion of the material around her bouquet, but I have never seen a bride thrilled with joy to wear her mom's dress.

Now, when I share my dream of wanting to give back to financially struggling brides and the donation of money to The Children's Miracle Network, oh sure I get plenty of praise for doing such a great thing, I get so many pats on the back, I get told over and over what I great thing I am doing, I get told that I am a wonderful human for wanting to do such a wonderful thing.

I get told over and over, "I have a dress you can have" but when it comes to actually wanting to "donate" their dress, they either ditch me, or they avoid me. Here is a great example!

I have a dress you can have, I want to give back, I want to support what your doing. 
Oh great, thanks so much, do you want me to come and get your dress or do you want to meet me somewhere? 
Can I have your number and I will call you with the details? 
Sure here is my number and thank you for wanting to give back and help me

3 weeks go by and I don't hear anything then suddenly I get a text message on my phone..

Hi this is Heidi we met at Starbucks and we talked about me donating my wedding dress
Oh yes, hi Heidi how are you? 
Great thanks! So why not come to my house today and you can come get the dress
Well, my daughter has an eye doctors appointment today at 11 but I can come right after that
Okay, great I look forward to seeing you. Here is my address

Two hours go by and then I get another text message from Heidi...

I forgot I have an appointment in Portland at one this afternoon, can we meet after that appointment, do you have other plans?
No not really, would you like me to come to your house still or would you like to meet somewhere? 
Well being that I am going to be out near you, let's just meet

Then fifteen minutes goes by and yet I receive another text message from her again...

I made another appointment for this afternoon, let's meet tonight after 8:30 (by this time I was becoming very leery of this person, I was beginning to wonder if there was ever a dress)
After 8:30! I'm sorry but I can't 
Well, I have to go out of town tomorrow so let's just plan on you coming over tomorrow 
I work until 4 I can come right after that
Sound great my partner will be home he can give you the dress for sure this time!

This woman lives 40 minutes from me in the mountains of Camas. I was so excited to get my first donation, I was going to take a picture of her and place it on my website I was going to share with the world my hopes and dreams can possibly come true.

So, I call my daughter Sela and tell her were driving to Camas to get a wedding dress and like I promised, I go after work and drive the crazy roads to her house. I arrive and knock on the door and guess what...NO ONE WAS THERE! I was so depressed, I was so sad, my vision of taking a picture of my FIRST donation was fading. The hopes of getting my first dress was gone! So I texted her back and I was filled with anger this time

So, I am beginning to wonder if I have the right address no one is here
You mean my partner didn't leave the dress outside on the treadmill like he promised me? 
Nope, no dress! 
I am so sorry, I really am, give me your address and he will for sure drop it off this weekend I promise

The weekend goes by and still NO DRESS!! 

Why The Crazy Look?

Why is when I ask someone to donate their dress to me they give me a look as if I am asking them to have sex with Satan and then birth his son? I then ask them...

Did the dress make your marriage or did you and your husband make your marriage? Just where is that dress now? Is it taking up space in your closet? Is it turning yellow somewhere? Are you ever going to wear it again? I even get told that possibly in the future they will want to renew their vows down the road. Are you going to be that same size as you were when you got married?

Do The Math!

What if you saved every single receipt from the purchases of new clothes, shoes, bras, underwear, purses, make-up, hair products, and you added that all together after one year, would it be more then what you spent on your wedding dress? If so, then why is it, you can gather up those clothes toss them into a bag and donate them yet, you cannot donate a wedding dress you wore ONCE?

This is a wedding dress that will make a bride who financially cannot afford a dress, the feeling of beauty, the feeling of hope, the feeling of happiness just as you did on the day you got married!

Thursday, July 6, 2017

This is what make you!

There is a slew of actions and words that make up a person and who they are. Okay, so I admit, my Compass of Life in regards to my personal life choices in the past did not always point dew North. But the one thing I do have is integrity to what I say, my honesty that can be brutal and yes, when needed I would give the shirt off my back to a mere stranger if need be.

Integrity is not a present from another person with a pretty bow that we receive and once opened, we are suddenly filled with integrity. The one thing that irritates me the most, and I mean the utmost is when one person tells me they are going to do something that means something to me, something important, something that represents who I am and what defines you, then without notice or warning, the rug is pulled out from under my feet.

Integrity means you are worth the patience we should be filled with, integrity defines you as a human being. When one lacks integrity it will forever follow you like that black cloud of horrible luck that just seems to never go away.

I blogged yesterday about how the dream is real, how what I feel is the most worth while thing when helping out in my community. I am a true believer that when you give from the heart, when you take the time to extend a gentle hand, a warm smile or give without ever expecting anything back or secretly telling yourself, "what's in it for me?" is the best gift one can give to someone less fortunate.

Two weeks ago I was sitting inside of a Starbucks minding my own business and working on what I believe is the greatest gift one can ever give a bride who faces the hardest financial issues of her life.  Just because one is financially challenged does not mean that she cannot dream of having the same wedding as one that is not financially challenged.

Three people within this Starbucks struck up a conversation with me and asked what I was working on. I shared my vision of women finding it in their heart to donate their wedding dress, a dress that is sitting around collecting dust, boxed up, shoved into the corner of their closet, or even when one says, "I want my daughter to wear it" (which after 29 years of weddings I coordinated, I have NEVER and I mean NEVER seen a bride wear her mom's wedding dress) and of course I was greeted with what an amazing idea.

I also shared how I am linked with OHSU (Oregon Health Science University) Children's Hospital & Children's Miracle Network. Dresses that are donated and sold to financially challenged brides and families who want to buy a wedding dress yet do not have the money to buy one gives back to the community, it gives a bride a sense of pride that her dream of ever wearing a wedding dress is going to actually come true!

I am a non-profit organization and I am just at the beginning stages of creating my dream, my vision of helping brides who struggle to gather up funds to buy a dress. Once a dress is purchased, part of those proceeds will go to OHSU.

Well, this one lady who was sitting with these three individuals suddenly perked up and told me with such excitement that she has a wedding dress that has just been sitting in her closet for some time and would like to donate her dress. I was overwhelmed with excitement. This would mean my first donation, that meant that someone saw my dream, they understood my vision, they wanted to help the more than 3,000 plus each children that are brought to OHSU for medical treatment for the desperate  help in order to live and to top it off, a financially challenged bride gets to buy a dress 40-60% off full retail or even less depending on their income.

We had exchanged information and I went back to working on my work and those three individuals went back to their meeting and conversation. Now, two weeks later, this woman gets a hold of me via text and tells me yesterday;


"Hi, this is Holly, I met you at Starbucks a couple of weeks and shared how I wanted to donate my dress to you" 

"Oh yes, Hi Holly" 

"I have an appointment in Portland, Oregon at 1pm is there any way you can come to my house this morning to pick up my dress?" 

"My daughter has a doctors appointment this morning but I can come right after that" 

"Okay, wonderful, here is my address"


Then we proceeded to talk more about what I wanted to have happen for my organization and how she knew a bunch of women who might want to do the same thing as her, donate their wedding dresses. I was growing so excited, I was thrilled with joy and I was beginning to see the light at the end of a very dark and frustrating tunnel as women looked at me when I asked them to donate their dress.

Then it happened! She pulled the rug out from under my feet and changed everything!


"Hey, it's Holly again, did I ever tell you that I was going out of town on the 5th of this month and won't be back until almost the end of the month?" 

I thought that was a strange thing to share but hey, I went with it, "no you never did share that" 

"Yeah, I am a massage therapist and I have a convention that I am going to and then I will be meeting up with my family for a vacation before school starts." 

"Oh wonderful." I shared back still unaware of why she was sharing this with me. 

"So, I think with your doctors appointment and my time restriction why not just meet tonight after 8:30?" 

"I am sorry Holly, but that won't work for me, I have something going on this evening." 

"Well, I just booked myself another appointment for today so meeting today is out of the question."


I was shocked at what she said, I was even more confused on why she got a hold of me telling me to meet her and gather up her wedding dress. I asked her directly if she was having any reservations for donating her dress and she shared no she wasn't. She even shared how she can't wait to meet my daughter, my daughter who was born at 29 weeks during my pregnancy and she too was a miracle baby. Holly even shared how her daughter and mine should get together and be friends because she is so close in age to my daughter Sela.

Then Holly shared, "Let's just get together after my trip, which now I don't know when I will be back my plans change like the wind with my life."

Why would someone tell me to meet them to get their dress, get me all excited and then tell me no its not a good idea? I get it, plans change, I understand that, but, when someone goes out of their way to have me make plans to meet them and then suddenly book another appointment rightfully knowing they are meeting me give me a feeling like they are casting me out like yesterday's garbage, is the rudest thing that someone can do.

Integrity People Integrity!

If this person Holly would have just gotten a hold of me and told me from the very beginning that she has been thinking of me and my organization and how she wants to donate her dress yet she has such tine constrictions for the day so lets meet up at the end of the month. That would have been far better than telling me;

I can't wait to meet you
I can't wait to see your daughter
I am so excited to donate my dress